Still Here Waiting For You
by vonnie836
Summary: Sequel to 'Right Here Waiting For me'. Louisa is gone, yet Sam is having strange dreams. Are they really just dreams or is there more to them?
1. Chapter 1

_So here is the promised sequel for 'Right Here Waiting For You', or at least the beginning. This will be a little bit longer, a multi chapter story. I don't know how long yet, so I hope you will stick with me. I also want to thank everyone who reviewed 'Right Here' and also to those who put it on 'Favorites' or 'Author Alert'. It is awesome to know that you liked the story and I would really enjoy hearing from you._

**Still Here Waiting For You**

Sam sat slowly up and looked around the room. Relief flooded him when he realized the images haunting him were part of a nightmare rather then reality. It was six day now since he was released from the hospital after being taken by Louisa DeLucio and falling down the stairs. Initially feeling better, he started running a fever about three days ago, something that seemed to exacerbate his already existing headaches to an almost unbearable level and also led to additional back pain.

Unable to fool his brother or Bobby, the two of them increasing their mother henning, if this was even possible, and although the youngest Winchester protested all the way, took him back to the emergency department.

After waiting for two hours and being poked and prodded it turned out Sam had picked a kidney infection, which explained the back pain. To his relief Dr. Green felt, it would be alright to treat at home, as long as he took the Antibiotic, increased his fluids and got lots of rest.

So this was what he was doing now, following all the doctor's orders, not that he really had a choice, his two watch dogs made sure he did. Besides, he really didn't feel up to anything else, although the fever resolved, the headaches continued to make him take the pain medication every four hours, even though it made him feel drowsy and out of it. So most of the time he slept, no matter if it was day or night, the rest of the time one of his guard dogs made sure he didn't do anything he shouldn't.

Waking up from yet another nap, the young man tried to orient his foggy brain to reality. Seeing the small streak of light coming through a gap in the curtains, he realized it had to be early morning. He remembered it being dark out when Dean gave him the last dose of his medication.

Being awake already, he decided now was as good a time as any to use the bathroom. Slowly he moved his long legs over the side of the bed and looked toward the other bed, noting his brother was still zonked, while Bobby was asleep on the pullout couch. If he could get up without waking either one, he might even be able to take a shower before anyone noticed.

He waited another moment before standing because the last time he tried too fast and he found himself kissing the carpet before he had a chance to brace himself. Holding on until the dizziness disappeared, he finally managed to walk to the bathroom without disturbing the other two men. Carefully he pulled the door shut behind him and locked it, taking care of business before turning on the shower.

After ridding himself of his clothes, a task made difficult by the fact that he had only one arm to use, he realized there was no way for him to remove the immobilizer that secured his arm to his upper body, keeping his shoulder in the position needed to heal. Knowing he had a spare, he decided to leave it on for now, asking his brother later to change it for him. At least the dressing from the side of his face and shoulder were easy enough to remove and the small incision to his abdomen from the laparoscopy was left open to air since two days after the procedure. Finally stepping under the hot stream, he let the water take the chill out of his body.

While enjoying his first shower in days, his brother had insisted on him taking baths under his personal supervision since returning from the hospital, Sam's mind wandered back to the dream that woke him up in the first place. It had felt strange, in a weird sense almost real, as Louisa DeLucio appeared to him, begging him to return to her. Her large dark eyes had pierced right through him and he could feel her longing. If he wouldn't know she was gone, her bones salted and burned, he would almost believe it was a vision rather than a dream.

Shaking his head at his thoughts, he realized his mistake, when a stabbing pain shot through his head and dizziness overwhelmed him. Reaching out to hold on to the walls of the tub surround, he slipped, catching himself with one hand in the shower curtain, just to feel it tear down, taking him with it. Falling over the edge of the tub, his body did a half turn and he landed on his back on the tile floor, the pain in his head intensifying as his head banged down on it.

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There were voices, screams from somewhere and he was aware he should know them but they came to him like through cotton. Then there was a loud bang and a crash and a face appeared above him. Blinking, he tried to clear his vision, making the face come into focus. He could tell it was his brother but he looked funny, his featured stretched in all directions and why couldn't he keep still instead of constantly moving his head up and down? It was making him dizzy. Trying to reach out and grab Dean's face so he would hold still, his hand came up empty. He could tell Dean's mouth was moving, but the words sounded funny, almost like the voices of the adults on 'Peanuts'. The thought was funny and he wanted to laugh, yet it seemed that he didn't even have that much control and what was supposed to be a laugh came out sounding more like a groan.

Suddenly he felt like he was weightless and it took until he saw another face that he realized he was being carried. After what seemed like forever he was laid down on a soft surface, probably his bed and a hand was feeling the back of his head. The resulting pain was finally what made him loose the battle against the darkness that threatened around the edges of his vision all along. Closing in on him, it sent him into a blissful state of unawareness, where no pain could terrorize him.

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Dean was startled from his sleep by a loud thump, making him stand beside the bed with his knife in his hand before he was completely awake. Still clearing his mind from the remnants of sleep, his eyes fell on the empty bed that right now should be inhabited by his brother.

At the same moment he realized the noise that woke him came from the bathroom. Throwing the knife onto the bed, he hurried over to the door, trying to turn the knob to open it, just to find it was locked.

Banging on the door, he called out, "Sam, you okay?"

Not getting a response, he pounded his fist against the wood once again, "Damn it, Sammy, open up right now or I come in no matter if you're decent or not."

Not ready to wait any longer, he took a couple steps back and threw himself against the entry. Thankfully it seemed the door knew better than to mess with an angry Dean Winchester and gave in on the first attempt, making the hunter fight to regain his balance.

For a second Dean just starred at the scene before him. His brother was sprawled out on the floor, dripping wet, the shower curtain partially wrapped around him.

Finally coming back to live, he slid down onto his knees, "Sam." He let his hands slide over his brother's body, assessing for any new injuries and was at least slightly relieved when he didn't find any.

"Sammy," He tried again, seeing the younger man's eyes were open and moving around aimlessly, "Talk to me kiddo."

For a moment the glassy orbs seemed to meet his and the younger man lifted his uninjured hand like he was reaching for him, then the arm fell limply back to the ground and the eyes continued to move around without focus. Filled with worry, Dean called out for his friend for help, just to find the other man already crouched down beside him.

"Let's get him back to the bed." He said, nodding at Dean when he was ready.

Together they lifted the tall kid up and carried him out to the main room, laying him onto the bed as gently as possible. Watching the younger man, who still was out of it, Dean slid his hand underneath his head. The reaction he got instinctively made him pull it back out, as Sam grimaced and his eyes rolled back into his head and finally slid closed.

Starring at the bright red liquid on his palm, the firstborn Winchester pressed out, "Why can't you ever do something the easy way?"

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Two hours later Dr. Green rolled his eyes at the two men he had seen way too often in the last two weeks. A smile appeared on his face as he looked at their worried expressions.

"If I wouldn't know better, I might think Sam is trying to collect 'frequent injury' points for a free treatment." He said, trying to lighten the mood.

Dean couldn't help the smirk, which appeared on his face, "Yeah, Sammy always was good at attracting trouble, but this is a record, even for him."

"I'm glad to tell you he is going to be alright." The doctor smiled, "I have no idea how he got so lucky, but the scan didn't show any bleeding."

The oldest Winchester let out a relieved sigh, he really been worried about his brother. The way Sam had been out of it before he lost consciousness had more than just freaked him.

"I'm still concerned though, a concussion on top of another concussion can lead to a prolonged recovery time and almost certain post concussion syndrome."

"Post concussion syndrome?" Bobby questioned.

"Yeah, a condition that can happen even after mild concussions but most occurs after head injuries caused by falls or blows to the head. It usually means memory loss, black outs, nausea, dizziness, loss of consciousness, headaches, irritability and at times depression for prolonged periods of time."

"So what're you going to do about it?" Dean wondered.

"Keep him overnight to make sure there won't be any complications for starters, after that we have to monitor and treat symptoms as they appear. That is if they appear. Your brother might get lucky and not have any or just a few minor ones." The doc explained.

"So that means you might see a whole lot more of us."

Dr. Green thought for a moment, then he said, "There is a free clinic two blocks from here. Several of our doctors, including me volunteer there. I will get his records over there. That will be a lot easier. Now, if you want to see Sam, he should be in his room by now. Third floor, you'll have to ask at the desk for the number."

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Dean walked into the room closely followed by Bobby. Seeing the younger man lying motionless between the white sheets, his face almost matching them and his eyes closed, both men settled into the chair, ready for a long wait.

"Can you turn down the light?" A small and miserable voice came from the bed.

It was only then that Dean realized the brightness in the room and that it was likely to cause his brother some discomfort. Getting up and stepping towards the door, he flipped the switch, effectively eliminating the beam from the strong ceiling panel. He then walked over to the window and closed the curtains, leaving only the light coming through the open bathroom door to illuminate the room.

When he returned to his seat, he watched Sam's hazel orbs slowly reveal themselves, looking almost black in the twilight of the room. Yet even now Dean could see the pain reflected in them.

"Headache?" The older brother questions, although he already knew the answer just by looking at the deep lines around the kids eyes.

"You kiddin'?" Sam didn't even bother with an answer.

There was a moment of silence, while Dean contemplated if he should be angry about the stunt Sam pulled or plain grateful to the powers that kept worse from happening. Watching the misery on the other man's face, he finally decided on the latter, at least for now.

"Why don't I get the nurse for you, I'm sure they will give you something for the pain."

"Just did, but it's not doing much." A moan cleared Sam's throat and he lifted his hands up to push against his temples, hoping against better knowledge it would make the pain disappear.

Dean hated to see his kid brother in pain, it was like he could almost feel it when Sam suffered and right now it almost took his breath away. He moved and sat down on the bed, gently pulling the younger man into his arms. Supporting his back with his left, he used his right hand to gently massage Sam's neck.

There was an occasional moan coming from Sam's lips, as he laid his head onto his brother's shoulder, burying his face into the crook of Dean's neck. Continuing his gentle ministration, he slowly felt the tenseness leave the injured kid and the moans becoming less frequent, finally turning into even breaths, as he completely relaxed against his brother's body. Although well aware that Sam was sleeping, Dean carried on, feeling the need to maintain giving the comfort, just as well as receiving it through the total trust Sam exhibited by falling asleep like this.

Watching the two young men the entire time, Bobby smiled. There were many times he wanted to do more than just threaten John Winchester with his shotgun, but there was no way he could ever really be mad at his sons. Having seen them grow up, changing Sam's diaper more than once, he felt about them like they were his own and seeing them like this strengthened this feeling even more.

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Sam startled awake; unsure what interrupted his peaceful rest. Looking around, he was surprised that neither Dean nor Bobby were in the room. Knowing their protectiveness, it struck him odd that both would leave him at the same time. Slightly embarrassed he remembered falling asleep in his brother's arms, yet also couldn't deny the comfort still lingering from it.

A sob tore him out of his thoughts and his eyes wandered to the corner from where it came. Disbelief appeared on his face as he took in the petite woman. Before he could say anything, she stepped closer and reached out to him.

Touching his face with the back of her hand, she whispered, "Tonio, I'm sorry for what I've done. I didn't mean to hurt you. I would never hurt you on purpose, mi amore." Here sobbing increased and it took a moment before she could go on, "I tried to reach for you but I couldn't. I don't know what happened, I don't remember, everything just disappeared. Please don't hate me."

The spirit looked so distressed that the youngest Winchester's heart went out to her.

"I don't hate you Louisa." He said, reaching up with his good hand to touch the one still resting on his cheek.

"I promise, I will take care of you, make you all better, mi amore."

"Louisa, I'm not your husband. Remember I'm Sam." The young man attempted to convince her.

"I'm sorry, I forgot again." A deep sorrow appeared in her dark eyes. Gently she pushed the hair from his forehead, then cupped his face with both her hands, "It is going to be alright, Sam. I will take care of you until you remember."

Sam started to feel desperate. Unsure how it was possible the spirit was still around, he knew he had to reach her somehow to make sure she let go. Still formulating how he could convince her he was not her husband, she suddenly disappeared as suddenly as she appeared.

"Louisa!" He called out as he tried to sit up.

TBC

_Please let me know what you think about this, even if you don't like it. I really thrive on reviews. Hugs, Vonnie_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed, put me on story/author alert or favorite story. I really appreciate every single one of you. So here is part two._

It seemed only minutes since Bobby left to drive back to the hotel and Dean made himself as comfortable as possible in the hospital edition of a recliner. Determined to keep an eye on his little brother, he was fast asleep before could prevent it.

"Louisa!"

Sam's call had the older Winchester standing at his brother's bedside in a matter of seconds. Seeing the younger man trying to sit up, he pushed him back into the pillow.

"Easy Sammy, don't want your head start hurting again." He soothed him, watching the glassy orbs move all over the room until they finally cleared and fixed onto him.

"Dean?" Sam's voice exhibited surprise, "Where did she go? She was right here and now she's gone."

"Who?" Dean's voice showed clearly how disturbed he was by the strange reaction.

"Louisa, she came for me. She still thinks I'm Antonio. I tried to tell her, but she disappeared."

"Sammy, it was just a dream, Louisa is gone, remember." The older man hurried to assure him upon seeing the distress written onto his brother's features. At the same time he let out a relieved breath, thankful for the easy explanation for his brother's behavior. Nightmares had never been anything strange for Sam.

"But she was so real!" Sam protested.

"I understand kiddo but believe me, I lit her bones up and I saw them burn. There is nothing left of her."

A small sigh escaped Sam's lips as he relaxed further into the pillow, "Guess it was only a dream then." He said, his lid's suddenly feeling very heavy again, now that the tension left him.

"It was kiddo. Just go back to sleep. I'm right here watching your back."

"Kay!"

A smile slipped across Dean's face as he looked at the trust his once again sleeping baby brother radiated. He would make sure Sam's trust wouldn't be disappointed.

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Although his head felt like a dwarf was ice skating in it, practicing jumps and pirouettes, the youngest Winchester was still liberated when he was able to return 'home' the next day. Hospital had never been his thing and lately he spent way too much time in them. Sam swore to himself, he would do whatever it took to stay away from this kind of institution from now on. At the same time he still felt pretty freaked out by his dream about Louisa and even though he knew his brother was right and there was no way that it had been anything else than a dream, he couldn't help but have a strange feeling, which just wouldn't go away.

So after Dean helped him out of the car and into the motel, he was surprised, when his brother willingly let him lead him to the bed and didn't even complain about being helped out of his clothes and into more comfortable sweats and t-shirt.

"You sure you're okay?" Dean's voice was laced with worry, "Maybe you should have stayed another day?"

"M fine, just need to use the bathroom. Would you help me?"

For a moment Dean stood with his mouth open. Knowing how fiercely independent his brother was, the request totally flabbergasted him. Finally regaining his voice, he said, "Alright, let's do it then."

Gently he helped the younger man up and guided him into the bathroom.

"I'll be right outside in case…."

"Please stay!" Sam whispered, the paleness of his cheeks suddenly changing to bright red.

Again the older hunter was stunned and now really started to be concerned, but decided to stay quiet for now. Standing close behind him, so Sam would know he was there but also discern that all his brother would see was his back, Dean waited until the younger man reached forward to flush the toilet.

Seeing the slight unsteadiness, he grabbed him by the waist to steady him, "Easy there kiddo." was all he said, before helping him turn to wash his hands and then gently guiding him back to his bed.

After he helped the younger man settle into the bed, he reached into his pocket and pulled the bottle of prescription pain pills out. Opening it, he dropped two into the palm of his hand and held them out to Sam together with the bottle of water Bobby had set on the nightstand while they were in the bathroom.

Sam took the medication and swallowed it without complaining, snuggling more into the thick pillow after he handed the bottle back. Turning to his side, he closed his eyes, feeling like he just ran a marathon.

"You sleep, if you need anything, I'm right outside the door."

Immediately the hazel orbs opened again. "Don't go too far, please!" He pleaded.

"I'm not going anywhere kiddo, just outside the door. Wanna check the engine. I though I heard a rattle on the way home. But if you want me to, I'll stay right here." Dean offered.

"Nah, it's alright, just go." The younger Winchester hurried to assure him, seeing the worry in the older man's face. There was no way he could let his brother know about the weird feeling he had, after all, he couldn't explain it himself.

"Alright then, the door will be open." The other hunter said, before walking outside.

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Bobby Singer was standing with his wall against the wall outside the motel room. He put his phone back into the back pocket of his jeans after having checked in with a friend, who watched over his salvage yard while he was gone. Satisfied that things appeared to be alright, he looked at Dean, who was just now joining him.

"Okay kid; spill it, what's going on? And don't try to tell me everything is fine, I can tell by the look on your face that it's not."

There was only a second of silence before Dean opened up, "its Sam, something is just not right with him."

"I know there is something wrong with him. Kid got his head split open twice now, that's what's wrong with him." Bobby stated matter of factually.

"That's not it though." The oldest Winchester protested, "He is really clingy. Wanted me to stay with him while he peed, didn't want me to leave the room after he was back in bed but in the end pretended it was alright anyway. He thinks I don't know that he only let me go because he thought I would worry if he didn't."

The old hunter listened, then shook his head, "That is kinda strange for Sam, but I think the boy is just freaked out by what happened. Give him some time and he will be fine."

"Yeah, you probably right. Guess I stick close to him, so he won't feel like he needs to ask me to." Dean said, already walking back toward the room.

Bobby grinned, knowing the older brother; he questioned whose need to stick close was greater, Sam or Dean's. There was no doubt in his mind that with Sam proving so injury prone, Dean would watch like a hawk over his sibling even if the kid wouldn't ask for it.

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The next few days mostly found Sam in bed. Still plagued by headaches he was unable to watch TV or use the computer. The only thing taking the edge off the pain were the pain relievers he had gotten from the hospital and it didn't take more than one of them to knock him out for hours. And with sleep also came dreams, dreams in which Louisa DeLucio continued to appear to him, begging him to come with her.

Awaking with uneasiness and a feeling he couldn't even start to describe, he was glad to find his brother close by every time. Dean had taken to watching rented movies or doing research on the computer or even reading one of the few books Sam kept in his duffel bag to kill the time. Only on a few occasions, usually right after the younger hunter had fallen asleep under the influence of another pain killer, did he leave the room for a short outing. During those times it was Bobby who watched over the injured young man.

Although Sam tried his best not to be too clingy, the dizziness he still experienced whenever he sat or stood up made it impossible not to. So he decided to not bother Dean with the nightmares he continued to have. There really wasn't anything to them anyway. Louisa was gone and he couldn't figure out why his mind couldn't let her go too. Trying to think about it made his head hurt even more, so he decided to just let it go. He really didn't want to take another pain pill, because sleeping would mean seeing Louisa again, so instead he closed his eyes and tried to relax, listening to the quiet conversation between Dean and Bobby.

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The feeling of being watched woke him, followed by the feeling of the gentle touch of a soft hand sliding down his face. Opening his eyes he looked directly into the concerned dark orbs of one Louisa Marcetti DeLucio.

"Sam." Her voice carried the same concern her eyes did, "Are you feeling alright my love? You are so pale."

Stroking the hair out of his face, she smiled, "See, I even remembered to call you Sam. I am getting better at this and I will take care of you, I promise.

Her smile was so honest and disarming it made it difficult for the young man to deny be was her husband. She looked so happy; it felt wrong to take this away from her. Yet he knew there was no way around it.

"Louisa, I'm sorry, I really don't want to hurt you, but…"

"Shshshsh…!" She put her finger on his lips, "Then don't! There is no reason to."

She replaced her finger with her lips and before he could refuse Sam found her kissing him deeply."

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Both Dean and Bobby startled up when Sam awoke with a gasp, his tall body shooting up off the bed. Opening his eyes, he grabbed his head and started to gag, heavily falling back onto the mattress. Grabbing the trash can on the way, Dean hurried over to the bed and held on to his brother, as the lunch Sam had eaten three hours ago decided to make a not so welcome reappearance. After a while the vomiting was replaced by dry heaves and finally died down, leaving the younger Winchester exhaustedly leaning against Dean's shoulder. Gently the other hunter helped him lie down again, before taking the bottle of water held in front of his face, out of Bobby's hand. Supporting Sam's head, he held the bottle to his lips and slowly let him drink several sips, before setting it down on the night stand.

"Better?" He asked; concern still visible on his face.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that. Guess getting up this fast wasn't one of my better ideas."

"Did you have another dream?" Dean questioned, although he already knew the answer.

"I know it's freaky, but I just keep seeing her. I understand she's gone, it's really weird." Sam confessed.

"It's alright kiddo, I'm sure it has something to do with the concussion. Doc said you could have flashbacks and stuff like that." The older Winchester tried to reassure him, "Don't worry about it, it'll get better and until then I'll be right here with you, kiddo. Why don't you take one of those great pain relievers so you can get back to sleep and later I help you get cleaned up and maybe you can sit out front, get some sun before some hunter starts confusing your pasty butt with that of Dracula."

For a moment a smile appeared on Sam's face, disappearing again before it reached his eyes, "I really don't want to go back to sleep." He pleaded, give his brother one of his patented puppy eye looks.

"I understand dude but don't worry about it, I'll wake you, if you start dreaming."

"Promise?"

"Promise!" Dean reached for the medication and retrieved one of the white tablets from the container. Handing it to Sam, he was glad to see the kid popping it into his mouth and swallowing it without further resistance.

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After Sam had drifted off to sleep again, Dean moved back over to the table and sat down, keeping a close eye on his brother as not to miss any signs of him starting to dream.

"So, what'd you think about those dreams?" He gave Bobby an expectant look.

"I don't know, maybe it's really just the concussion." The older man took of his ball cap and scratched his head, a habit that let Dean know he wasn't really convinced by the explanation.

"Yeah, and maybe Sam is the new lead singer for Led Zeppelin." The young hunter couldn't help but smile at the thought of his kid brother blasting an off tune version of 'Stairways to Heaven' into a crowd.

Bobby grinned, "Yeah well, I think I rather not imagine that one. I have some ideas I want to check out. It might be nothing, but I need to make sure." He said, getting up and grabbing the keys to the Impala in the process, "I hope you don't mind?"

"No, go ahead, I would do some checking myself, but I promised geek boy over there to keep an eye on him, wouldn't want to disappoint him." Dean looked at his sleeping kid brother with a smile on his face.

The salvage yard owner smirked, knowing exactly that the seemingly uncaring words were just meant to hide the true emotions his friend was feeling toward his younger sibling.

TBC

_So I hope this was okay. Again let me know, because any reviews really encourage me. Hugs, Vonnie_


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks again to everyone, who reviewed and to all who read. It would be awesome, if the quiet ones among you would drop me a not once in a while, but I do appreciate you anyway._

_So here is the next chapter. Not really any action, so I hope it's not to boring. I just felt I needed to tell about Louisa's back story. The story and characters I used are real but as far as the part of Antonio and Louisa goes, I just made that part up. Hope you like it._

Bobby Singer didn't return from his investigational trip until after midnight. He had called Dean earlier in the evening, making sure things were alright at the motel and letting the boys know that he would be late. Parking the Impala, he carefully unlocked the door as to not disturb the sleepers inside. Usually nothing would keep the older Winchester son from waking up at the slightest noise, but besides being an extremely well trained hunter, he also seemed to have a sixth sense for distinguishing friend from foe. This was the only reason Bobby even attempted a quiet entrance.

Once again he wasn't disappointed, because the young man only stirred slightly before continuing his peaceful slumber. What surprised him though was that Dean was sharing the bed with his younger brother. Stopping for just a moment to take in the sight of Sam on his back with his uninjured arm stretched out so his hand was right beside the elder's body, while Dean's hand was laid out straight beside his body, almost accidentally touching the younger man's finger tips, his thoughts wandered back eighteen years.

At that time John Winchester had left his sons in his care to participate in a hunt for a pack of black dogs with Joshua and Caleb. Sam, at that time not quite four, had developed a terrible fear of thunderstorms. As John had explained, the boys had been in the field across from their living quarters playing ball, when a storm started up. So engulfed in their game, they didn't notice it until it started to rain.

Right as Dean unlocked the door, lighting struck the metal trash can right beside the entrance. Both boys were extremely scared, but while Dean was able to put it behind him within a few days, in his usual fashion being more worried about his brother than himself, Sam continued to freeze anytime a storm hit, just to dissolve into tears that wouldn't stop until after the last thunder seized.

After attempting every trick in the book, from threats to promises, to rid Sammy of his fear, a desperate, yet amazingly patient John finally made up a story for the little boy. During the next thunderstorm he took the boys outside to the Impala and sat with them in the car, knowing well that even if lightning struck they would be well protected from being hurt by the rubber tires preventing the electricity from being grounded. He told his youngest that nothing could happen to him because his father had the power to protect him.

During the first storm Sam was still crying and scared out of his mind. The second time he was shaking but only occasionally letting a sob out. The third time found him very quiet and only slightly skeptical and by the fourth time he wrapped his short arms around him and told his dad he was sorry for ever doubting him, almost making John confess his deception.

Upon their good bye at the salvage yard, Sam remembered his fear though and so John told him, that he could give his power to Dean and with that keep both of them save while he was gone. Putting his hand on his firstborn shoulder, he was ready to mumble a few Latin word, when Sam stopped him, insisting he needed to keep at least some of his power so nothing would happen to him. So John 'kept' half and 'gave' the other half to Dean.

That night an extremely powerful storm had hit and Sammy, slightly unsure that Dean's half of the protective mojo would be enough, had climbed into his brother's bed, hugging the older kid so tightly, he had difficulty breathing. In the end Dean had agreed to let the little guy sleep with him and came up with the 'accidental' finger touching. This left the older boy from having to be accused of having 'chick flick' moments and gave his baby brother the connection he needed to sleep peacefully.

Bobby smiled, obviously even after more than eighteen years and several years away from his family nothing really had changed in Sam's need to feel connected to his brother and Dean's need to protect the younger boy.

Grabbing his sleep clothes out of his duffel bag, he made his way to the bathroom. Informing the Winchesters of his findings could wait until the morning. There was no way he would interrupt their for once peaceful slumber.

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Dean stretched and opened his eyes slowly, seeing Sam still out for the count, his breathing even and his face void of any expression, he relaxed and his nose crunched up as he took in the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Looking around, he saw Bobby standing in the small kitchenette, pouring two cups of the black liquid.

"Hey, when did you get back? Should've woke me up!" The younger hunter asked as he made his way over to grab one of the mugs from his friend's hand.

"Was after midnight, you and the kid were sleeping, didn't want to disturb you." He sat down at the table, "Why don't you have some breakfast? I got some cinnamon rolls from the bakery a couple blocks over, also picked up some of those bagels and cream cheese that brother of yours is so fond of."

"Thanks." Dean picked up one of the rolls and took a bite. Still chewing he questioned, "So what did you find out?"

Bobby scrubbed his hand over his beard and hesitated for a moment. Finally he said, "I wish I could say I found out something that will help Sam, but it really doesn't look like it." Seeing the disappointment on the other man's face, he added, "That doesn't have to mean it's totally worthless and if nothing else it is definitely interesting stuff."

"So how is it not worthless, if it won't help Sam?" Dean's voice took up a slightly irritated tone.

"I didn't say it won't, I just said it doesn't look like it will." The older hunter really wished the news was better, but he also was experienced enough to know that sometimes seemingly useless information turned out to be quite valuable in the end.

Dean opened his mouth but closed it again, when he heard a moan coming from the bed. Instantly being on his feet, he saw Sam was awake and tried to sit up.

"Easy there kiddo, let me help you." Receiving a slight smile, he assisted his brother to a sitting position at the side of the bed, "So how are you feeling today?"

"Better." The younger man assured him, the clearness of his eyes telling Dean that he was not being lied to.

"Good, so what'd you wanna do?"

"Bathroom." Sam stated, waiting patiently for the older man to help him to stand up and lead him into the small room.

Waiting for his brother to finish and wash his hands, once in a while putting his hands on his back to steady him, he assisted him back to the bed.

"You think I can sit in a chair for a while? I'm really tired of being in bed."

Dean hesitated, looking his brother over. Finding his color slightly improved and his eyes still clear, he gave him one of his 'don't shit me' looks, "How is your head?"

"Hurting." Sam answered honestly, "But not as bad as yesterday."

"Alright, but tell me if it gets worse."

He helped his brother sit down into the armchair Bobby already scooted up behind him.

After Sam was settled Dean prepared a bagel for him, knowing with only one hand usable, it would be impossible for the kid to do it himself. By the time he set the plate in front of his brother, Bobby had poured more coffee for all of them, making Sam's a mix of half coffee and half milk.

"Sorry, I know that's a little much milk, even for you, but after yesterday you should go easy on your stomach." The older man explained.

"It's alright; I don't think I want it any stronger anyway." Sam smiled, taking a large gulp of the hot liquid, "So what were you two talking about earlier? And please don't tell me 'nothing', I know better."

Dean exchanged a glance with his friend, then said, "Bobby did some research on our spirit."

"And?"

"And nothing, he didn't find anything useful."

"Stop right there." The salvage yard owner interrupted, "You're doing it again."

"Doing what again?" Dean stared at him.

"Putting words in my mouth."

"Okay, so you said, it didn't look like you found anything useful." The older Winchester lifted his hands up in a defeated gesture that put a smile on Sam's face.

"So what did you find out?" The youngest hunter inquired.

"It's quite a story actually and it took some digging to get to the bottom of it." Bobby very obviously enjoyed drawing this out for a bit longer, but finally he continued, "Antonio DeLucio didn't die because he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He actually was the target of that drive-bye. You guy's ever heard of the 'Valentine's Day Massacre' of February 14th, 1929?"

"Who hasn't?" Dean grinned, eliciting a slight nod from his brother.

"Well, so you know that it was well known, although never proven, that it was Alphonse "Al" Capone, who was behind the murders. It was Bugs Moran, the leader of a rival gang, who was the intended target. He escaped because he spotted the fake police cars parked on the street, thinking it was a raid. Later on he retaliated on Capone's gang, killing several of them in drive-byes."

"So you're saying Antonio was one of Capone's henchmen?" The youngest Winchester's eyes had gotten big in amazement.

"Well, not really. He was the youngest brother of one of Capone's most trusted men, James Vincenzo De Mora, better known as Jack McGurn. He managed the 'Green Mill' Club for Capone and was very likely involved in the Massacre. Actually, he was in prison until December of '29 and only was released because there wasn't enough proof to prosecute him. He was well protected in prison and because of that Moran had his kid brother killed."

"Okay, I remember reading De Mora had five brothers and as far as I know most of them lived into there sixties and seventies." Sam intervened, "Why kill only one, if there were four more?"

Noticing his brother staring at him, the young man asked, "What?"

"Only you would know one of Capone's henchmen had five brothers and how long they lived."

"Hey, not everyone thinks 'Busty Asian Beauties' is required reading to make it through high school." The younger man retaliated.

"Yeah well, it wouldn't have hurt you to look into it a little more, especially when it came to Nancy Saunders in tenth grade."

Sam blushed, remembering the hot redhead, who stood in front of his door one day, asking him to help her prepare for a math test. Naive as he was he had eagerly let her in, just to find that her mind was on everything but math. It turned out that she was way more experienced than he and that did not help his awkwardness. When Dean stomped into the scene halfway between getting his hair tangled into the buttons of his polo shirt and making a complete fool of himself, Sam almost died of embarrassment but was relieved later on, when he found out it had been only a bet between her and her friends, if she could get the 'cute' geek laid or not."

Feeling sorry for the youngest member of their team, Bobby saved him by moving on with his story, "Jack favored Antonio and really wanted to keep him out of the whole business. Their father, a grocer, who sold sugar to some distillers, was shot by competitors in 1923. So when Antonio was old enough, Jack set him up with new papers and sent him to college, later setting him up with a job in middle management in a company that was owned by a rich European but actually belonged to Capone."

"Sounds like the perfect setup to me. So how did anyone find out Antonio was Jack's brother?" Dean wondered.

"Guess there were two major mistakes made. One, Antonio married his high school sweetheart Louisa, whose family knew who he really was. Two, Jack continued to keep in contact with his little brother. He was very careful but this is never fool proof."

"No wonder Louisa's heart broke. She must have felt like it was her fault that Antonio died." Sam suddenly felt incredibly sad about his observation, in a way Louisa was just like him, the only difference was, he really caused Jessica's death, while she just thought she caused her husband's.

For a moment the room was silent, as the two older hunters starred at the kid, who seemed lost in his own thoughts. The emotions emanating from his expressive eyes were almost overwhelming. It reminded what made Sam so special to them, his compassion, his innocence and his belief there was good in everyone, which he managed to maintain even after all those years of being exposed to evil.

"You okay, son?" Bobby finally broke the quiet.

"Yeah, I'm fine." The younger Winchester hurried to say, "Just feel sorry for them. Guess their relationship never really had a chance."

"It is kinda sad." Dean agreed, then looking at the stunned faces of his brother and Bobby, he added, "Would make a good movie though. Chicks like those kinda flicks. Get all emotional and need a strong shoulder to cry on."

He smirked, knowing he was able to preserve his image, yet somewhere inside him, he knew that he meant what he said at first. Watching his sibling again, he couldn't rid himself of the feeling improvement in his condition was only the quiet before the storm. Shaking the dark thoughts off, he stood and went to get a refill for his coffee. Since when did he give in to weird feelings? If he continued this way, he would soon turn into his emo little brother.

TBC

_So it seems Sam is getting better and he really was just dreaming. Or could it be that Dean__'s feelings are right? Maybe Dean is turning into Sam? Well stay tuned for the next chapter, same Bat channel, same Bat time. Oh wait, wrong show! Well you know, just watch for it. And please let me know what you think. I love it when I get reviews and they really inspire me. You guys are my muse. Hugs, Vonnie_


	4. Chapter 4

_So here is the next chapter. Thanks to again to all of you who reviewed. Also to those of you who just read, if you would __send me a note once in a while I could really let you know how much I appreciate you. Now on with the story._

Dean Winchester was surprised and happy that for once his gut feeling seemed to be proven wrong. The day had turned into a real good one for his brother. After listening to Bobby relaying Louisa and Antonio's sad story and finishing breakfast, the youngest of their group lied down and fell asleep for several hours without being haunted by nightmares. Waking up, his headache almost disappeared and he spent half an hour on his computer, doing some research of his own. The story really peaked his interest and he decided to find out as much as he could about what happened in 1929. He would have spent even more time on it, if it wasn't for Dean telling him not to overdo it on the first time or he might have to pay for it.

Sitting at the table sharing a dinner from one of the near by diners, consisting of grilled chicken and rice for Sam and fried chicken with mashed potatoes and cole slaw for Dean and Bobby, the world was good for the first time in weeks. There was even a smile on their youngest' face and although there was still sadness visible in his expressive eyes, it sure was a sign of improvement.

Bobby and Dean exchanged some silent glances, while watching Sam eat. Taking it slow, it was still obvious the young hunter enjoyed his food, something that was another positive in the books of his friend and brother.

Taking a bite from his own food, Dean suddenly looked up, as he noticed his brother's hand starting to shake before the fork it was holding dropped and fell onto the plate with a cling. Sam's hand remained frozen in mid move and the young man just stared at the shaking limb like it was an alien entity.

"You okay Sammy?"

The older Winchester couldn't hide his worry, which only increased, when he received no answer. Instead Sam's hand dropped into his lap and for a moment his upper body straightened, his eyes wide and unfocused, before he slumped forward and only the table saved him from taking a nose dive off his chair. All this happened with such speed, that the attempt Dean made to keep his brother from ending up face down in his food came too late to have any effect.

Still shocked by what just happened, he carefully lifted the younger man's upper body up, leaning him back in the armchair, as he supported the listlessly lolling head as well as possible.

"Damn it, Bobby, what just happened? He was doing fine a moment ago."

The older man looked almost helpless for a moment but finally said, "Must be that post concussion thing the doc was talking about."

He handed Dean one of the paper napkins from the table and the other man proceeded to gently clean the food from his unconscious brother's face. Finishing up by wiping a few kernels of rice from his forehead, he realized two glassy orbs watching him.

"Hey kiddo, glad to see you're back with us."

"Wh't h'pp'n'd?"

"You decided the fork wasn't fast enough, so you took a nose dive into your food to hurry it up." Dean smirked, trying to hide his concern.

"Oh…"

"How you're feeling?"

"Dizzy, quit moving."

Dean looked up at Bobby, then back to his brother, "I'm not moving."

"You're not?" Huge eyes stared at him, "Kay!"

The short responses didn't reassure the older brother at all, "Alright lets get you to bed."

With Bobby's help they assisted Sam to his feet and walked him the few steps to the bed, a process that turned more into dragging than walking when the younger man's knees buckled after the first step. Lying him down and adjusting the pillow, Dean took off his shoes, before Bobby pulled the blankets up over the already sleeping young man.

"I knew this wasn't over." Dean said the anger in his voice directed against no one but himself, "I never should have allowed him to stay up this long."

"So you rather would have made him stay in bed, when he actually felt good? You know Sam, he wouldn't have allowed that. And anyway, he really didn't do anything strenuous enough that would have caused this. It's just something the doc said could happen."

"So what we gonna do now?" In total opposite to his usual assertive self, the young man seemed to be at a total loss, as to what to do next.

"Do what we do best; take care of the kid until he gets better." Bobby smiled, hiding his own concern for the sake of his young friend.

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"Sam."

A gentle voice and an even gentler touch woke the young man from his slumber, making him turn toward the speaker. For just a second, while his eyes were still closed, he imagined being in his apartment in Stanford and it was Jessica, who woke him for their morning run. Yet this illusion disappeared, when he glanced up into the face of Louisa DeLucio.

"Sam." She repeated, "You need to get up my love. It's time for breakfast."

Reaching out, she helped the youngest Winchester sit up at the side of the bed, carefully putting a soft robe over his shoulders.

"It's a little cool in here and I don't want you to get ill on top of everything else." She gently touched his injured arm, making sure he would understand what she meant.

"Sure." Sam looked at her, his mind still not quite awake. Only slowly he realized he was back in the bedroom of Louisa and Antonio's house.

"I brought breakfast up here." She pointed to the seating area in the corner, "This way you don't have to come back up here afterwards to take a shower."

"Louisa." He wanted to demand to be taken back but seeing the sweetness and honest desire to help in her dark eyes, he suddenly found he was unable to do so.

Instead he let her assist him to a standing position and lead him to the table. Sitting down, he took the plate from her hands, noting that it contained a whole grain bagel with strawberry cream cheese. For a moment he eyed the baked good with confusion, unable to know what to make of it.

"Is something wrong with it? If you would like something different…?"

"No,…uhm…I mean,…it's just…" Sam stammered.

"I thought you liked bagels?" The dark haired woman said.

"Yes, but how did you know?"

"It's the job of every woman to know what the man she loves likes best." She commented with a smirk, "Now try your coffee."

Sam took the cup from her and took a sip, then followed up with several more. This wasn't just coffee, this was an intense explosion of flavors on his tongue, something he had only a few times before. It was with Jess at the little café in San Francisco, where they spent their first spring break together. Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee, one of the rarer and more expensive coffees in the world. Flavored with just enough cream to intensify the flavor but not enough to mellow it, it was perfect.

"Wow, this is beyond words."

"I'm glad you think so." There was a satisfied smile on the woman's lips.

Sam picked the bagel up again and took a hearty bite from it, realizing it was perfectly toasted and the cream cheese was flavored with fresh fruit. Chewing slowly, he enjoyed the taste, then swallowed and looked at the petite woman.

"Louisa, you are wonderful and I really appreciate everything you are doing." He paused for just a second, "I'm really sorry, I wish I could stay, but…"

"Sam, it's alright, we figure this out together. That's what I'm here for. All you need to do is relax and get better, I will do the rest."

Again there was nothing but honesty and love in here eyes and suddenly the youngest Winchester didn't know what to do. Sure she was a spirit. Sure he wasn't who she thought he was. But how could he hurt her, when she undoubtedly had no intention to hurt him? He knew he had to find a way to make her understand he wasn't Antonio but now clearly wasn't the moment and for him to insist to take him back would very likely only confuse her more. Right now the only thing he could hope for was for Dean and Bobby to find him once again. Maybe when they showed up and helped him explain everything, she would finally believe.

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Bobby Singer had seen a lot of things in his life and he prided himself in being a darn good hunter and to never get too attached to anyone in his life after his wife died. Sure, he had friends, many of them hunters and some that were customers of his salvage yard and repair shop, but he never bonded with any of them. He felt content with the life he lived und had been doing so for at least a decade, when a young father with his two brats showed up on his doorstep, asking for help.

Reluctantly the grizzled hunter had taken on the role of a mentor, teaching the young man everything he knew and slowly becoming friends with him. It disturbed him more than once to see two little kids dragged into this life but he decided to stay out of it, knowing that John Winchester would never give up his children, but ever so slowly, without him realizing him, he started to loose his heart.

There was something about the precocious kindergartener and his toddler brother that tugged on his heart strings, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. The older boy acted way beyond his age in everything he did, especially in how he took on the role of a substitute father for the little one, refusing to let anyone else take of him, when their father was gone. The younger one, small of his age with soft dark curls and a pair of eyes that could wrap even the most hard nosed hunter in, was advanced for his fourteen months in several ways, yet behind in others. His vocabulary were more like those of a two and a half year old and his table manners lacked not far behind, yet he still walked only a few steps holding on, letting his big brother carry him around whenever possible.

Even to the untrained observer it was clear that the two boys shared a special bond and that one couldn't be without the other for very long. And maybe it was this, what won the hardened hunter over. Thinking he would never have children off his own, he suddenly found himself in the role of a father for the brothers whenever their real father was off on a hunt that lasted for more than a few days. In the beginning it seemed almost impossible that he actually would enjoy his new role but over the years he almost looked forward to those rare opportunities he had to spend with "his" boys. Now that John Winchester was missing and his children were no longer boys but grown men themselves, it seemed like he was even closer to them. The unbelievable had happened, he felt a connection to those kids that he avoided having with anyone else

Bobby was brought back to reality by a movement from the bed. Looking up, he saw Dean had noticed it too and immediately grabbed his brother's hand tighter. They had been keeping vigil at the younger man's side for the last two hours, hoping he would finally open his eyes. Lastly it appeared their wish would be granted, as his eyes moved rapidly behind closed lids and his head rolled from one side to the other.

"Sammy, you awake kiddo? Come on, open those eyes." The elder Winchester encouraged his brother.

There were a few more seconds of anxious waiting, before the hazel eyes finally stared up at Dean.

"Dean, what…? How…? Louisa…" Confusion was written all over his face; Sam tried to make sense of what happened.

"It's alright, you just had another dream. We figure it out."

"No, wasn't a dream, I was with her." The younger man gasped as pain exploded in his head and stomach.

Seeing Sam's eyes crunch shut in pain, as a gasp escaped his mouth, the firstborn Winchester was unable to react before his brother started to explosively vomit. Instinctively rolling him over to prevent the stomach contents from obstructing his airway, he supported his head as the kid continued his volatile vomiting onto the carpet.

After a few minutes the gagging finally stopped and Dean gently lifted his brother's upper body up, as Bobby put a second pillow on the bed, then helped situate the almost listless hunter onto it. Moving the sweat soaked hair out of his face, Dean looked at the pale clammy skin and the red rimmed eyes, then exchanged a worried glance with his friend.

"M'sorry!" Sam mumbled.

"It's okay son, don't worry 'bout it." Bobby comforted him, "I've cleaned up worse in my time."

"Think you can keep some pain meds down?" Seeing the lines of pain still edged on the kid's forehead, Dean was also worried about causing another bout of vomiting.

"Yeah, just don't make me move."

"Don't worry." Bobby already had two of the pills ready and carefully dropped them in Sam's mouth, then inserted a straw into the water bottle and held it to his lips.

Swallowing the meds with the cool liquid, the young hunter gave him a grateful look, before his eyes moved back to his brother.

"It wasn't a dream; I was with Louisa at the house." He said in a quiet but steady voice.

"Sam, that's not possible you were right here, Bobby and I never, left your side."

"Look, I don't know how, but I am sure I was there." There was an anxious tone to his voice that immediately let Dean move his hand calmingly onto his brother's shoulder.

"It's okay, like I said before, we will figure this out. You just rest and don't worry that geeky brain of yours."

"But you believe me, don't you?"

The older man wanted to say 'no', but something in his brother's eyes stopped him. They've seen too many strange things in there lives to dismiss Sam's claim this easy.

"Yes, I believe you."

There was total relief radiating from the younger man, as if a sudden weight was taken from him. Dean was on his side, so nothing could happen to him.

TBC

_So do you still like it? I sure hope so, but no matter what, let me know. I really like to hear from you. Hugs, Vonnie_


	5. Chapter 5

_Sorry, this one is a little late. Real Life got in the way once again. Anyway, thanks for every single review and for everyone who is reading. You are all so great and really encourage me. _

It was almost midnight, when Bobby Singer opened the door to the former DeLucio residence. It had been two days since the youngest Winchester woke up telling them about being at the house with Louisa again. Ever since then the plan had been for the salvage yard owner to come back here and check things out while Sam was asleep. Yet like it was so typical for the Winchesters, this plan also had to be put on hold.

That same evening Sam developed a fever. His brother was ready to take him back to the hospital when his temperature hit 100 F but the younger hunter begged with everything he had – in his case his best puppy dog look – to keep him at the motel. Unable to refuse his sibling, the firstborn Winchester finally gave in, promising against his better judgment not to take him to the hospital, while their older friend stood by grumbling something about 'them two being the death of him'.

So instead of checking on any spiritual presence at the house, the grizzled hunter helped Dean take care of his brother. And like always, Sam stayed true to himself, going from a low grade temperature to a raging fever almost as fast as the Impala went from 0 to 60 (miles/h). Well at least that's how fast it felt to Dean, in actuality it was more like six hours.

After a while the Tylenol the older man gave his kid brother finally started to kick in and Sam at last drifted off to sleep. The last temperature Bobby took just a few minutes prior read 102.4 F, half a degree less then an hour ago. So the experienced hunter decided to allow himself a break and settled down on his bed. Dean remained on his brother's side until he was sure Sam was sleeping peacefully then he too lay down.

It seemed like minutes but really was about two hours later that a scream sounded through the room, making both of the older men jump out of their beds and hurry to the younger one's in record time. With the light at the bedside table still on, it took them only a moment to realize what was going on.

The youngest member of their team appeared to be sleeping, yet his head was moving around on the pillow, his whole body lacking behind very little. The usually wild mop of hair was plastered to his head and looked like he had just been dunked in a tub of water.

Concerned the older brother sat down and stroked some of the wet strands out of Sam's face.

Feeling the heat, he glanced at his friend, than lowered his voice to almost a whisper as he looked at his kid brother, "Sammy, come on you've got to wake up." Seeing that there was no response, he tried again, "Sammy, please wake up."

At last there was a reaction, as to fevered orbs looked up at him, "Hey kiddo, you got to quit doing this. You'll kill me before I turn thirty."

"Look who's calling the kettle black." Bobby grumbled but quieted.

"Dad…, p…please don't hate me. I…I'm so sorry I left."

Tears threatened to flow down the hot cheeks as the glassy eyes continued to stare up at Dean. Slightly taken aback, the older brother took a deep breath, "Sammy, it's alright, dad doesn't hate you, he…"

"No, please, I'm really sorry." The kid interrupted him, "Dad, please, I never meant to make you feel like I didn't love you. Please, I never wanted to abandon, just go to college. Please, dad…"

Now the tears were spilling over and sobs tore through the young man, as he reached out for his brother, still seeing only his father's face before him.

For a moment Dean felt his eyes tear up as he realized what was going on. Finally instinct took over.

"Sammy, I never could hate you."

"Really?" The shaky voice suddenly was filled with hope, "Please forgive me."

"I will, if you forgive me. I never should have said the things I did."

The older brother's decision to impersonate their father for Sam included the words John Winchester had entrusted in him at one moment of weakness. Words that he wasn't likely to ever say to his youngest but which Dean knew his little brother needed to hear. Right now he didn't care if his father was going to kick his butt, if he ever found out. All that mattered was the desperately ill young man in reaching out for forgiveness.

As assurance of his decision being right, Sam relaxed and a small smile appeared on his face before his eyes closed and he slipped back into a peaceful slumber. Letting him gently slide back onto the pillow, Dean took the opportunity to check his temperature, gasping slightly when it read 104.1 F.

"Okay, we need to get him cooled down." He looked up at Bobby, who was still standing by, ready to do whatever was needed.

"You sure you don't want to take him to the hospital?" The older hunter asked, although he already knew the answer.

"I promised him, so I have to at least try." The green of his eyes had taken on an intensity that came only out when the firstborn Winchester was truly worried.

"Alright, let's get him to the bathroom then."

Together the two men picked the sleeping boy up and carried him to the small bath tub. Carefully setting him into it, Dean slit his sweats and sling and shirt off, making sure not to jostle his injured arm too much, then reached for a towel and positioned it behind his brother's neck to support it.

Plugging the drain, Bobby turned the faucet on; probing the water to make sure it was comfortably warm. As the level started to rise, Sam began to stir but never opened his eyes, finally settling as the water covered his legs and his body started to adjust to the temperature. That was also when the oldest hunter slowed the flow and turned the temperature to cold, making sure the water in the tub would slowly get colder, giving the ill man's body a chance to regulate without going into shock.

At the same time Dean used one of the cups from the sink to scoop water up and pour it over his brother's body. This continued until Sam's skin felt cooler and Bobby rechecked his temperature, telling his younger friend it was down to 102 F.

"Okay, let's get him back to bed and get some meds into him, maybe that will bring the fever down more and keep it there." The older man suggested.

Receiving a nod from Dean, he helped lift Sam onto the rim then reached for several towels, which they wrapped around the young man, before carrying back to his bed. While the older brother took on the task of drying and putting clean clothes on his sleeping sibling, Bobby went to get the first aid kit. Retrieving the Ibuprofen from it, he counted four tablets into his hand and handed them off to the other man.

"I don't think the regular dose will do, if we give him 800 mg every four hours and Tylenol in between, we might just be able to get this thing under control." He explained.

Dean gently lifted his sibling into a half sitting position, while trying to coach the sleeping kid awake.

"Wake up, Sammy, time to take your medicine." Getting only a grimacing, he tried again, "Come on, just for a minute, you can get back to sleep in a moment again."

At last Sam's hazels opened and looked at him with confusion.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, who else would it be? I got some meds for you." The older brother asked.

"What's wrong?"

There was something like fear written in his face, which made Dean hurry to respond, "Nothing wrong, you just got a fever."

"M'kay." Sam mumbled, his lids already drooping again, now that he felt safe.

For a moment Bobby and Dean exchanged glances and grinned, it was just so much like Sam, and if the elder Winchester was honest, he had to include himself, to automatically respond as he just did.

"Yeah, right, you're dandy. Now you have to stay awake for just a moment longer, then you can sleep as much as you want."

He dropped the tablets into Sam's mouths, then took the water glass from the night stand and lifted it to his brother's lips. The younger hunter took a few sips and swallowed the medication obediently before falling back to sleep. This time even several attempts didn't wake him enough to get more of the liquid into him.

Gently laying him back down, Dean pulled the sheet up to his chest, before moving one of the chairs closer and settling into it.

"I wish I could get him to drink more. He looks pretty dry." He turned back to the older hunter, who came out of the bathroom, holding a wet wash cloth in his hand.

"Don't worry about it right now." He put the cool cloth down on Sam's forehead after pushing the chocolate colored curls out of his face, "If his temperature goes down, he should be awake enough in a few hours to drink."

"But what if it doesn't?"

"Then we just have to get him to the hospital, promise or no promise."

"Guess you right." Dean said, defeat audible in his voice.

It was his job to take care of his little brother; it had been ever since that fateful night almost twenty three years ago. He prided himself in being successful most of the time, but even the few times he failed were still lying heavy on his mind. The one thing he remembered about most of those occasions was, it always were Sam's pleading puppy dog eyes, which persuaded him to change his mind. And he really wanted to kick himself for letting them get the best of him once again. Still, he knew he couldn't break his promise to his brother as long as there was a chance Sam might get better without going to the hospital.

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It took less than an hour before the two older men could tell that the medication was working and Sam's fever broke. Their youngest slept through the process, something that caused his older brother more anxiety, as he was still worried about Sam getting dehydrated.

So he was more than pleased, when his brother finally woke. Although tired, he was alert again and willing to drink whatever his Dean and Bobby would offer him, well almost anything. Seeing the glass with the orange liquid in the older hunter's hand, his face paled and he grimaced, trying to hold a gag back.

"Can I have some soup instead?" he asked in a small voice, turning his head away in order to hold another gag at bay.

Dean smirked, "Told you he doesn't like Gatorade." He broke down laughing as he watched his friend hurry to the bathroom to dispose of the offending liquid.

"Yeah, but you didn't tell me it made him sick." The salvage yard owner said, when he returned, this time the glass filled with water. "Sorry kid, I'm sure they have some 'class A' chicken noodle soup at the diner. Why don't you drink some water and I go over there and get you some."

"Sure, no hurry." Sam responded, gulping some of the refreshing clear liquid.

"Sorry kiddo!" Dean apologized, suddenly feeling bad for exposing his ill brother to something that appalled him. "I didn't remember how much you hated the stuff; otherwise I wouldn't have done this to you. As far as I remembered you just couldn't stand Gatorade after dad punished you by making you drink gallons of it that time you ate all the cake and candy meant for my birthday party."

"I remember." There was actually a smile on the younger man's face, "I was five and I was sicker than a dog, haven't touched a Snicker's bar since then either."

"So what made it worse?"

"I got the stomach flu shortly after Jess and I moved in together." He paused for a moment, the memory of his dead girlfriend almost overwhelming him, finally he continued, "She wouldn't let me have anything else but Gatorade, said it was the only thing that could replenish my fluid and mineral loss. She was so concerned; I just didn't have the heart to tell her."

For a moment the older Winchester had to look away and blink several times to hide the emotions, which threatened to overpower him. It was just so typical for his kid brother to do something like this in order to not hurt the feelings of his girlfriend. Gazing at his older friend, he saw the hardened hunter had taken his baseball cap off and was wiping his hand over his face and hair, trying to hide the tears in his eyes.

"Yeah, that's a good reason to hate that stuff. Guess chicken soup it is kiddo. Now get some sleep, I wake you when Bobby gets back."

He repositioned the pillow under his brother's head to make him more comfortable and tucked the blanket in around him. By the time he was finished, Sam's even breathing told him, that the young man was already asleep again.

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That night had been quiet, giving all three men a chance to rest. Yet the next day brought more problems, as Sam was visited several times by Louisa. Each time he woke up to projectile vomiting and after that was unable to keep down more than a few sips of water. In the end this led Bobby to "acquire" some supplies and start an IV with normal saline to prevent the youngest from getting dehydrated.

By now the experienced hunter was convinced that this 'illness' had nothing to do with the concussion and rather was caused by the supernatural nature of his dreams, thus a hospital would not be able to do anything for Sam.

Trying the to avoid the dreams, the young hunter desperately attempted to stay awake, yet as the day moved on, he felt himself more and more loose the ability to concentrate and think clearly. To the dismay of the other two men, he became more and more lethargic, in end slipping off to sleep again and this time neither Dean nor Bobby were able to arouse for more than a few seconds, before he was out again. Lastly the older hunter decided it was time to put their plan into action and this was the reason, why he now was breaking into the DeLucio House again.

Hearing the lock click, he carefully opened the door and made his way across the hall towards the stairways. After climbing the marble steps, he let the flash light move around, as he wasn't sure, which was the room Louisa had taken Sam to. For once he got lucky, because there was only one door open.

Without delay he made his way over there, pulling his EMF meter out of his pocket. The room was warm and slightly humid, just like the rest of the house, indicating no obvious spiritual presence. Moving around slowly, he covered the whole room, before letting out a sigh. The needle on the meter didn't even twitch. He stopped for a moment before he decided to scan the rest of the house, just in case. Half an hour later he checked every room and came up empty.

Discouraged, he put the meter away and pulled out his phone, hitting the speed dial for Dean. When the line was answered, he said, "I found absolutely nothing. I would really like to know what's going on here!"

TBC

_So what you guys think? Is it still up to par? I had some doubts about this chapter. Let me know either way. Hugs, Vonnie_


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks again for letting me know how you like this story. I also want to thank Hotshow again, for giving me the inspiration for this story. It is so much fun to write. This is slighly shorter but for that I'm posting a little earlier. So I hope you enjoy!_

Sam turned around, his long frame digging deeper into the comfort of the covers and pillow. Not quite awake, he refused to open his eyes to the sunshine tickling his face. The bed was too soft to abandon quite yet. Almost drifting off again, he out of the blue was struck by the feeling that someone was watching him. As his eyes shot open he found himself just inches away from Louisa DeLucio.

He sat up, immediately realizing that the move didn't involve effort or pain. His eyes moved from side to side as he held his arms up and looked at them with disbelief. Both of his upper limbs moved with equal ease, showing no sign of injury. Checking his chest, he noticed the bruising to his ribs disappeared also. There was something else he noticed, which made the heat rise in his face and he instinctively pulled the covers higher, even though there was really nothing exposed.

"It's okay Sam." The smile on the spirits face got even brighter, "Nothing happened."

"But how…?"

"You were a little restless last night and your sleep pants came off." She explained, "I noticed your pants slipped down to your knees and I didn't want to wake you. So I pulled them off and covered you."

Suddenly the young man's face felt like it was on fire, "Y…you mean, ah…y…you…" He stammered, too embarrassed to form an intelligent sentence.

This time Louisa couldn't hold back a laugh, "You never used to be this shy, well at least not after we got to know each other. Thinking about it, you were quite awkward when we first met. You stumbled over your own feet and dropped things every time you saw me. I also seemed to remember you having the same speech impediment. I hope it's not some kind of illness that is making a return appearance."

She teasingly put her fingers on his lips, then replaced them with her own and gently kissed him. At first Sam wanted to pull away but the sweetness of her kiss persuaded him to return it just as tenderly. Drawing back at last, he kept his eyes locked on hers, trying to read what was written there but finding he was unable to solve the secret, which engulfed her quite yet.

"Why don't you take a shower, while I make breakfast?" She suggested, changing the subject without missing a beat.

Watching her get up and leave the room, the youngest Winchester noted she was dressed in shorts and a white blouse that didn't look at all like the style of the late twenties. Slightly confused, he thought about the last breakfast she served him and how she exactly knew what he liked. Somehow she seemed to be able to read his mind. To bad it obviously wasn't enough for her to realize he wasn't her husband.

He crawled out of the bed and made his way to the bathroom, not bothering to dress now that Louisa was out of the room. Regulating the temperature and stream to his liking, he stepped underneath the hot water, letting it run down the chiseled muscles of his arms, back and abdomen, allowing it to sooth any stiffness that remained from the night. After using the shower gel and shampoo to cleanse his body and hair, he rinsed off, then turned the water off and reached for the towel. Still in the process of drying off, he turned towards the sink, surprised to see what looked like his razor and tooth brush. Even the brand of shaving cream and tooth paste was right.

"If she can read me this well, why can't I make her understand, who I'm really are?" He thought, even more puzzled then before.

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The moment Bobby Singer opened the door to the motel room; he was met by the anxiety filled green eyes of Dean Winchester.

"How is Sam?" He knew the question was somewhat redundant, yet he needed to ask it anyway.

"No change!" The younger hunter moved his hand over his brother's chocolate colored curls, "He didn't wake up once."

"I picked up something to eat on the way back. It's a little early for breakfast, but I thought we might not have time later."

He put the bag of donuts on the table and handed Dean one of the coffees before settling into the chair beside the bed he had occupied earlier this evening. Letting his eyes glide over the almost serene looking form of the youngest Winchester, he let out a sigh before taking a gulp from his own coffee. This whole situation was just so messed up. He had seen so much in his years of hunting, there wasn't a lot that could surprise him anymore, yet this had him at a complete loss.

"Okay, I refuse to sit here and wait for Sammy to fade away." The anger filled voice of the firstborn brother drew the older man out of his thoughts, "There has to be something we can do and I'll be damned, if I don't do anything to find out what it is."

Letting his hand glide through Sam's soft mop one more time, he stood up and waked over to the table. Turning on the computer, he waited until it was finished booting then started his fevered research.

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Stepping out of the bathroom, Sam was enticed by the aroma of bacon, eggs, toast and freshly brewed coffee. Louisa was already sitting at the table, filling his plate and giving him an inviting smile. Making his way over to her, he sat down and enjoyed the meal, once again savoring the flavor of the special java. After he finished, he pushed the plate to the side and leaned back.

"More coffee?" The beautiful spirit asked, filling his cup when he nodded his approval, before continuing, "Are you alright, my love? You look troubled."

The hunter hesitated, attempting to find the right words, "Louisa, you are very beautiful and any man, who can call you his own can himself lucky…"

"Well, I guess then you are one lucky man." She smirked playfully.

"Yes…, no…, I mean…, what I'm trying to say is that you need to be happy too."

"Silly you, I am happy." She answered, her face almost glowing.

Sam sighed, this wasn't going too well. Somehow he just seemed to be unable to find the right words. He wanted her to understand, but at the same time didn't want to hurt her. Looking at her again, he mused. Maybe, if he let her get to know him for a while, she would see for herself that he wasn't Antonio. After all, there was no way he was anything like her husband. Just the circumstances of their lives had been too different to make that possible. For a second he thought about Jess and it seemed almost impossible for him to even consider being with another woman, but then he pushed that thought to the side. This wasn't anything like what he had with Jess and surely Louisa wouldn't expect any physical intimacy from him right now anyway. She still thought he suffered from amnesia and was trying to make him remember their life together. In a way he felt he owed it to Jess to help Louisa find her way back to Antonio. Maybe it would be a way to redeem himself at least partially.

Turning his attention back to the present and Louisa, he said, "So what are your plans for today?"

"I thought we could go to the Lake, have a picnic lunch and maybe take a walk. Well, that is if you feel up to it." The young woman said expectantly.

"Sounds great, how about I help you prepare the food?"

"No way, I don't like pickles on my peanut butter." She laughed, "I although rather not wrap your fingers because you can't use a knife without cutting yourself."

Getting up, she gathered the breakfast dishes onto a tray, giving him a fast peck on the cheek she picked it up and carried it out without looking back. Left behind, Sam sat quietly for several minutes. Maybe he and Antonio weren't so different after all. Then again, during the time Louisa's husband grew up, men usually didn't even know where the kitchen was located unless they didn't have a separate dinning area in the house. So it really wasn't surprising he would have been awkward using a knife or making a sandwich.

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After watching is younger friend working on the computer for the rest of the night and most the morning, only stopping ever so often to check on his sleeping brother, Bobby decided it was time to interfere.

"Alright, I don't think this is getting us anywhere. It's time to quit starring at the computer."

"Dammit Bobby," Dean jumped up, barley keeping his anger in check "What you want me to do? Watch Sammy die?"

"No, all I'm saying this isn't gonna do anything for Sam. We need help." The older man put his hand on his shoulder, "I got a lot of contacts and I'm sure your list is almost as long as mine."

Standing with his shoulders slumped and his head hanging, Dean took a deep breath, then straightened out, "Guess you're right."

He pulled his cell out and settled down beside the bed, keeping one eye on his brother while opening his contact list and hitting the first number. Bobby watched him before he sat down on the other side and starting the same process with his own cell.

Three hours later Dean hung up after talking to the last person in his phone book. Although he still didn't get a positive answer, he knew that every one of the hunter's he called was going to do there own checking around. Looking expectantly at Bobby, he realized the grizzled hunter was in the middle of talking. Letting his eyes slide over to his brother, he noticed the younger man's eyes were open.

"Hey Sammy, you're with me?" He leaned over the bed, stroking the hair out his eyes.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, it's me kiddo, who else did you expect? Claudia Schiffer?" Dean smirked, although he really didn't feel anywhere close to joking.

"Louisa, she…"

"Shshshsh…," The older Winchester soothed him, noticing the effort it took for his brother to talk, "We are on it. You rest, let Bobby and me do the work for a change. Okay kiddo?"

"Kay…" Sam whispered.

Already loosing the fight to keep his eyes open, he slipped back to sleep, leaving his brother's eyes brimming with tears.

"Bobby…!"

The single word was a desperate outcry for help and almost broke the other hunter's heart. The calls he made didn't bring any more results then Dean's and even though there was a good chance one of the other hunters would find an answer, there was no guarantee it would be any time soon. Judging from the state the younger Winchester was in, he might not have that kind of time left.

"Did you call your father yet?" Bobby wasn't really sure why he was asking the question, the boys' father didn't respond to any calls ever since he disappeared.

"I tried last night already." Dean confessed, "Went to voice mail like always."

"Okay, I guess it's my turn now." Hitting the speed dial for his friend, he waited for the voice mail message to end then said, "John, this is Bobby, if you get this, you better get your head out of your butt and call me. Your boys need you. If we don't find an answer soon, Sammy is going to die. There can't be anything else more important than family. And just in case you're in the area, we are in Chicago right now."

TBC

_Please let me know what you think. All you quiet once, I don't bite, well at least not very hard. Hugs, Vonnie_


	7. Chapter 7

Okay, so here is the next chapter. I know you guys are anxious to see Sam get out of this, but you will have to wait just a little bit longer, I promise, we will get there. Thanks for all the reviews.

There was no denying that it was really a beautiful day. Although the sun shone hot from the cloudless blue sky, the breeze coming from Lake Michigan took the edge of it and made it feel just right. Sam stretched his long frame out on the blanket Louisa had laid out when they first arrived on the sandy beach. After a picnic lunch, which consisting of ham and cheese on homemade bread, potato salad and fresh fruit, accompanied by a light Italian red wine, both of them felt content and lazy enough to enjoy lying side by side in quietness.

Keeping his eyes closed, the youngest Winchester couldn't help but remember the days he spent with Jessica on the sandy beaches in California. It had been one of their favorite things during the summer to find a hidden spot to talk for hours, take long walks and sometimes make love in the light of the sinking sun.

The memory brought sadness to his heart and without knowing it, tears streamed down his cheeks. Only the gentle touch of Louisa's hand wiping the moisture away tore him out of the memory.

Opening his lids, he found her face only inches away from his, her dark orbs sparkling with compassion and love. Still filled with the pain over his own loss, Sam could see the want for completeness in her and in a sudden instinct pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply and passionately. His kiss was returned with the same intensity and for several minutes they embraced one another with the enthusiasm of two drowning souls holding on to a life saver. Only slowly letting go of one another, they fixed their eyes on each other for a moment. There was total trust and devotion in the gaze of the female spirit and the young man had to turn away in a hurry, suddenly ashamed of his actions.

Feeling the softness of her hand lie upon his shoulder, he contemplated how he could maker understand that in reality his actions hadn't been meant for her, but rather for the woman, who was the love of his life.

"I understand you weren't ready for this, Sam. You still don't remember and I pushed you. I will try to be more patient." She whispered in quiet understanding.

"No, it's just…" Still unsure what to say, he turned to face her again; "I don't want to pretend. You deserve better. What you deserve is real love and real happiness and I can't give you either."

"Don't say things like that." She scolded him gently, "One day soon, you will remember."

"But I'm not, who you think I am." Sam protested, suddenly glad at least some of the words he needed to say were out in the open.

"I know exactly, who you are and I love you for it. You are the one, who is confused and lost."

Again she smiled, but this time it was one filled with sadness and the words that might have made him angry at any other time, just proved how much in love she was. So instead of pursuing the issue any further, he decided once again to wait for a better time. He knew the start had been made, so he just needed to find a way to finish it without hurting the woman in front of him.

Reaching out with his palm up, he gave her his biggest smile, "Would you like to take a walk?"

It was as if clouds lifted from before the sun, as the brightness returned to her face. Putting her small hand into his, she nodded, "I would love too!"

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Bobby looked over the table at the younger man pushing his breakfast around on the plate sitting in front of him. At any other time he would have told Dean he needed to eat to keep up his strength for his kid brother, yet today he wasn't able to stomach his own food, so how could he blame the other hunter for not being able to eat. Turning his head, he let his gaze move over to the bed, where the reason for both their distress was lying.

Sam Winchester hadn't regained consciousness since the night before. Since then the older hunter had restarted the IV line to make sure the kid wouldn't dehydrate. At some point his breathing and heart rate had slightly slowed down and he seemed to have slipped deeper into nothingness, leaving the two older men behind at the edge of despair.

"Damn, Bobby, I can't do this any more." The firstborn Winchester was up now, pacing around, while pulling both hands through his spicy hair.

The salvage yard owner was saved from a response by the ringing of Dean's cell. Still angry the hunter pulled the device out of his pocket, looking at the caller ID before he shrugged and answered.

"_Dean, listen I have to make this short, so don't say anything." _John Winchester's voice came from the other end, _"I'm checking things out and will call as soon as I hear anything. I hope you guys are alright. I can't come; it's too dangerous right now."_

The connection ended abruptly, leaving Dean with the phone against his ear, trying to process the call he just received. Without warning he pulled back and threw the cell, making it bounce off the wall and shatter into several pieces before falling onto the floor.

"That bastard!"

"Who?"

"Who do you thing?" Dean starred at the other man, who by now was standing only inches from him, "John "Almighty" Winchester, how dare he call here and tell me he would check things out and he hopes we are alright." His voice was now shaking with anger.

Bobby laid his hand on his shoulder, knowing there was nothing he could say at the moment, mainly because he was just as angry at the man.

"Dean, Bobby!"

The voice from the door made the older man look up, while the younger turned. The figure standing in the entryway stepped in and pulled the door close before removing the hood of his coat from his head.

"Dad…?" skepticism and yet a large amount of relief were audible in the outcall from the older brother.

Walking toward his son and embracing him, the eldest Winchester said, "I'm sorry for the deception, it was necessary to make this visit possible."

"But how…? The call came from an area code in Texas." Dean was still in awe about his father's sudden appearance.

"It was a recording one of my friends played for me to keep certain entities off my trail. He has been posing as me since we split up in Florida the day before yesterday. After you called, he took my truck and my clothes and I used his SUV and his coat. He headed for Texas with the recording you heard and I came here. I called him from a cell I picked up at a restaurant outside of Chicago, to let him know I was ready for him to make the call."

The two men listened quietly to the explanation, Bobby embracing his old friend for a moment, glad the man wasn't as cold hearted as he initially thought.

"How is Sammy?" The father looked over to the bed, where the son he hadn't seen in three years was lying motionless, his face suddenly filled with worry and anguish.

"He is fading." Dean swallowed hard to keep the tears from spilling and his voice from breaking.

John moved over to his youngest and kneeled down, slowly stroking his calloused hand over the dark mop. Taking a deep breath and taking in the still features for a few more minutes, he turned to face his eldest.

"What happened?"

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Thirty minutes later the Winchester patriarch was up to speed with the events leading up to Sam's current condition. Observing his son and friend throughout their explanations, John could see the two men were looking at him with hope filled eyes. It almost broke his heart, not just for their sake but especially for Sam's, that he knew he would have to disappoint them.

He had come here, hoping he could pull a solution for whatever the problem was out of his sleeve, or maybe out of the new journal he had started to keep since leaving the old one to his boys. Now he realized there was no fast solution, as he'd never come across or heard of any case even close to this. Did he take the risk to come here just to see his youngest die? Would he loose his firstborn with him?

"Dammit."

Jumping up and pacing like a caged tiger, he tried to give his anger air before it consumed him. This was not going to happen. Neither one of his sons was going to die; he would make sure of that. Finally feeling somewhat in control again, he stopped in front of Dean.

"Okay, there gotta be something we are missing. Something that is so obvious that we just don't pay enough attention to it to see its importance."

"We went over everything again and again, there is nothing we missed." Dean let out discouraged sigh.

"That was before I arrived." John said with purpose in his voice, "Now that I'm here, we will review everything again and again. I don't care how long it takes, there is something we missed and we are going to find it."

"What if we can't find in time?"

John paused for a moment, for once looking at his son with something close to tenderness, before turning back into his usual drill sergeant self.

"That's not gonna happen. Failure isn't an option here. Now let's do this."

Although still not convinced, Dean had to confess he was glad his dad was taking over. If anyone could save Sam it was their father.

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The discussions arising between the three men over the next few hours kept them energized and the atmosphere filling the air didn't seem lost on the youngest hunter either. Although there wasn't a lot of change in Sam's condition, it didn't get worse either. On two occasions his eyes opened and focused on his brother, who was always there in time, almost instinctively knowing, when something was going to happen. The second time John was able to walk into his baby boy's field of vision and there was no doubt in his mind that the kid recognized him before his lids slid closed once again.

It made them throw themselves even more eagerly into the work of figuring out what was going on. Sifting through the smallest details over and over again, looking at them from every angle and discussing every action with passion, there was nothing about the last couple weeks that was left out. Yet after twelve hours and what seemed like ten gallons of coffee, only interrupted by caring for their youngest, they didn't get any further then before they started and by now even the unfailing John Winchester was no longer convinced they would find a solution before it was too late.

Moving over to the bed, he sat down and picked up his son, holding him in his arms, while remembering a time that by now seemed not even real any more. A time when he held both his boys in his arms, as he sat beside their mother, both of them looking to build a bright future for their children. Only a few months later all of that had ended, leading him to a life in which he turned his sons into soldier rather than athletes and college students. Yet then the son he was now holding was also the one who refused to follow him blindly and who finally broke out of the life put upon him by his father.

"Dad, you didn't choose this life for us." Dean had stepped close and seemed to read the emotions displayed on the usually stoic older Winchester's face, "You did what you had too in order to protect us. Even Sam knows that."

Looking up into the intense green eyes of his eldest, he turned back and took in the way too pale features and the dark smudges around the closed lids of his youngest.

"Do you really know it?" He directed the question at Sam, desperately longing for an answer. For the last several years he had regretted the harsh words, which turned his son away from him, yet in typical Winchester fashion had been too proud to take the first step. He had told himself that it was up to the younger man to come to him, something he should have known Sam would never do.

Once again his mind wandered back into the past. He remembered Mary watching him, when he first attempted to feed a ten day old Sammy. She had handed him the infant and told him he had to cradle him with his right arm, while holding the bottle in his left. Being right handed, John had made the attempt, but feeling odd, he had moved the little bundle over into his left arm and held the bottle with his right. His wife had tried to warn him, supported by four year old Dean, who had insisted his mom was right. Yet John had just waved both off, adamant that the baby would never know the difference. Fifteen minutes, a screaming infant and a worn out father later, the patriarch had given in and moved the little boy around, his mind in awe that he had been defeated by this little human, who otherwise was totally helpless and unable to do anything for himself. He recalled the grin Mary had given him, as she'd told him, "He is just like you, a stubborn Winchester through and through!"

"Guess she was right!"

John didn't realize he spoke out loud until Dean questioned him, "Who?"

Slightly confused he explained, "Your mother, she told me Sam was just like me. I should have listened to her, instead of thinking I could win."

"It's alright dad, you did your best. No one is perfect." The older boy assured him, taken aback by the sudden look into his father's soul. This wasn't the Winchester way and it scared the living daylight out of him. If his dad opened up like this, it could only mean he had given up on Sam.

TBC

_Well, here you go, John is there but things don't look good at all. It seems like not even he can save Sam__. What do you think? Is there hope? Let me know, I would like to hear what your opinion is. Hugs, Vonnie_


	8. Chapter 8

_So here is the next chapter and I hope you will like it. I'm a little anxious to hear what you guys think. After all your awesome reviews, this one will shed some light on Louisa. _

Dean was still mulling around about the look into his father's soul, even though this had happened over three hours ago. The young man was beyond exhausted but refused to give into sleep. Only when Bobby had brought up the idea for him to lie down with his baby brother, had the stubborn Winchester finally given in. After all, he had to agree with the argument, that physical closeness might draw Sam back from wherever he was at right now.

So here he was, leaning against the backboard of the bed, a pillow under his head making the position more comfortable. Sam was slumped against him, his head lying on Dean's chest, while the older brother carded his left through the soft curls and his right holding the unconscious young man tightly against him. Still, even now he couldn't let go of the sadness that came from his father earlier. He couldn't remember ever seeing the older man this upset before. Well maybe when Sam left for college, but even then he showed more anger than despair. This now was so different and it truly frightened Dean. Their father was the stronghold of the family, the one he looked up to for help, yet for once it seemed he was just as lost as he was.

All the hope he held out on seemed to slowly dissipate, the more he thought about John's reaction and it was only because of a small, almost inaudible whimper, that the older brother remembered why he needed to hold on.

"It's alright Sammy, I've got ya. I won't let go, I promise, but you've got to help me out here. You really need to fight this. You understand kiddo, you're stronger than this. Please, Sammy, come back."

There was another whimper, just as small and silent as the first but it still gave the older brother hope that maybe on some level Sam could hear him.

"Okay, Sammy, if you can hear me, than listen to this. Dad is here and he really needs you to wake up. He loves you and he wants to tell you so himself, but he can't do that while you are off somewhere else. You understand? We've been separated long enough; it's time to be a family again."

He continued to quietly talk to the younger man, unaware of the two pair of eyes watching with affection and listening to every word he said. The father, full of love for the two young men he called his children, well aware, he had very little to do with the way they turned out and the lonely hunter, who wasn't quite as lonely anymore, because of those two special boys, who had offered him a place in their hearts. Both of them at this very moment wished they could bring the younger brother back to the older and either of them was willing to give his live at a moment's notice, if it just would make a difference.

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Louisa DeLucio sat down on the bed; her small hands gliding over the pillow to straighten it out before she allowed herself sink down onto the soft cushion. Her movements were light and graceful and it wasn't easy for Sam to tear his eyes off her. Somehow she invoked way too many pleasant, yet painful memories in him. If there just was a way for him to go back and change things, he wouldn't care, if it meant he would die instead, as long as Jess would be safe.

He had known what would happen before it actually did. His dreams had shown him, yet he chose to disregard them, chose to pretend they couldn't be real. He should have known, after all, he'd grown up around so many strange things that having dreams like that should have alerted him that something was seriously wrong. Because of his ignorance Jess was dead. He wasted his chance to save her. There was no going back, no telling her how sorry he was, no receiving forgiveness and the latter one was what he deserved. No forgiveness, because it was his just punishment.

"You are doing it again!"

Startled the young Winchester starred at the spirit, "Doing what again?"

"Looking like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders." She stroked his cheek with the back of her hand, "Wanna talk about it?"

Sam hesitated, for some unknown reason suddenly tempted to open up to her.

"No…, no, it's alright." He drew himself together. How could he even consider sharing his guilt with a stranger, "I really can't talk about it."

"I understand, but please, if you change your mind, don't think I will judge you. Whatever it is, there is nothing bad enough it couldn't be forgiven. I love you, no matter what you did."

On one level the youngest Winchester suddenly found himself wishing he could pretend was Antonio DeLucio, on another he knew it would never be possible. The one, who loved him this way, was lost forever and the woman in front of him needed to be reunited with the man her affection was really directed at.

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John looked at his sons with tenderness in his eyes. Dean was sleeping still propped up against the headboard, his right arm tightly wrapped around Sam, while his other hand was still lying on the younger man's head. The Winchester patriarch was happy that at least on of them had gotten some sleep, because neither Bobby nor he had allowed themselves even a minute of rest. Then again, it wasn't like Dean had planned on sleeping either. It was just that the comfort of feeling his baby brother close to him had been stronger than his will to stay awake and he had finally given in to the overwhelming need.

Bobby spent part of the night on the phone with some of his associates, who had found some leads, only to find out that in the end neither one of them panned out. Frustrated, he left thirty minutes ago, saying he was getting breakfast, although the eldest Winchester knew that it was not just for that but also to get some space. For a while he even envied him, because after coming up empty with his own research, John felt like he needed to escape the tightness of the motel room himself and only his concern for his boys kept him from giving in.

"Dad?"

Although he still was facing the bed, John Winchester did not realize his oldest son woke up until he heard him calling.

"Hey, you're awake."

"Did you find anything?" The younger hunter looked at his father with anticipation, yet at the same time realized from the other's expression that he answer was 'no'. Deflated he held his brother just a little tighter, wishing this would make things alright, knowing that it was just not enough.

"Why don't you take a shower? Bobby should be back with something to eat soon." John walked over to the bed, "I'll sit with Sam for a while."

For a moment Dean wanted to protest, only when his eyes met the older man's did he change his mind. It was clear his father needed some time alone with Sam and the young hunter wasn't going to take that away from him. Carefully he moved out from underneath his brother, finding John's hands ready to support and help position the kid more comfortably onto the pillows.

"I won't take long." He gave his brother one last look before closing the bathroom door behind him.

"Hey squirt," John sat down on the bed, facing his youngest, without thinking calling him by one of the nick names he had used for either of his sons, when they were younger, "Guess for once we're alone…"

Suddenly the father didn't know what to say and there was a heavy silence in the room. For years he waited for this moment, but nothing in the world could have prepared him for this. He always hoped that he would be able to tell Sam how he really felt, why he said the things he did and he hoped to find if not forgiveness, at least some kind of understanding. Now, when he was finally ready to do it, he started to understand there wouldn't be any absolution. He failed as a father just as much as he failed as a husband. Even if Sam was awake to listen, he didn't deserve to be forgiven. Still, maybe this didn't even matter so much. Maybe in the end, what was really important was that his youngest finally knew he hadn't failed as a son.

Wiping the moisture from his eyes, he grabbed Sam's hand and stroked a stray strand of hair out of his face, "I wish I knew if you really can hear me, but I just have to say this and hope you do."

He stopped for a moment to collect his thoughts then continued, "I know I said a lot of horrible things to you and at the time I meant at least some of them and I'm really sorry about it. I know this will never be enough, but I regretted what I said the moment I saw your reaction. Guess I screwed up and I know it wasn't the first time. I never should have tried to turn you into a second Dean." Just for a moment he smiled, "Dean is one of a kind, there is no way to copy him, but that doesn't mean you are any less special, you are just as much one of a kind. I just wish I would have seen it earlier."

Squeezing the limp hand a little tighter, he sat quietly for a few minutes, taking in the almost peaceful expression on the young man's face. This was just so wrong on so many levels. He could feel an inkling of anger arise; growing stronger by the second and making him want to shake the peace out of his boy. Peace meant giving up and giving up wasn't an option.

Swallowing the irate feeling down, he instead said, "Please Sammy, don't do this, don't give up. Listen to me, I'm proud of you. You have accomplished so much, even though I put every possible barrier in your way, maybe even because it. I know I've neglected you and your brother turned you into emotional orphans and maybe you won't believe me now, but that doesn't make it any less true. I love you son."

SN SN SN SN SN

Breakfast felt like torture for each of the three men. Eating was something that neither of them enjoyed right now, but did because it was a necessity. It took what seemed gallons of coffee to flush the few bites each of them was able to choke down. For the first time in hours it was quiet. They knew they came to the end of the line and there was nothing short of a miracle that would save the youngest in their middle now and miracles didn't happen for the Winchesters.

The silence hung thick and heavy in the room and if one would try to cut it with a knife, it would have to be an extremely sharp one to get through it. Dean was sitting on the floor by the bed, his hand on top of his brothers, the contact needed to let him know Sam was still here. Both older men were sitting on chairs beside them, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

"I think this one is totally up to Sammy." John's voice came out of the blue, startling the two others.

"What?" Dean was the first to get his bearings, "Why?"

"Dean, we've done everything we could and still we couldn't find anything. I think we are at a dead end because we overlooked the obvious." The eldest Winchester looked at his son and friend, his expression more serious than either of them ever seen it, "There is nothing to find."

Without warning Dean jumped up, his voice filled with rage, "What, now it's all in his head? Right, that solves it all. Sammy is nuts, he is imagining things. Just tell him to get up and he will be just fine. It's always…"

"Dean!"

Bobby also shot up from his seat, giving a totally perplexed John only a fleeting glance before moving toward the young hunter. Putting his hands on both his shoulders, he shook him, hoping to get his attention without having to use more drastic measures.

"Dean, listen to me, this is not what your father was trying to say." The grizzled hunter was grateful, when he saw the kid make eye contact with him, "Now sit down and let him explain!" He pushed him down onto the bed then turned to the other man, "Go ahead John."

It took a moment before the Winchester patriarch came out of his daze. Swallowing hard, he finally said, "Sam has to want to come back. I don't know why, but for some reason he isn't trying. We need to help him, so he fights his way back."

"I'm sorry" Dean let his head hang, too ashamed to look at his father, "I'm sorry I thought you…"

"Don't son!" John got up and crouched down in front of him, "I know, this been hard on all of us."

He put his hand in the back of his oldest' neck and gently pulled his head down onto his shoulder embracing him. Sitting like this for a moment, he suddenly felt the tenseness in his son, as sobs started to shake the younger man's body. Holding on even tighter, John did the one thing he should have done years ago, he allowed his boy cry in his arms.

"Now, let's get back to work." He said after a while, blinking the moisture from his own eyes, "We might not be able to get rid of Louisa, but that doesn't mean we can't do anything." He looked up at Bobby, who already knew what he was talking about then slowly pulled away from Dean.

Using his hand to dry his face, the younger hunter let his reddened eyes make contact with his dad, "I know we need to talk to him, let him know that we want him back, that we need him."

SN SN SN SN SN

Sam was sleeping and for once his sleep was peaceful. He was dreaming of Jessica and all the wonderful times they spent together. Their time on the beach, the walks they took together. He could feel her hand in his, but when he looked at her it wasn't Jess, it was Louisa. He knew it should upset him, but for some reason it didn't seem to matter. It didn't change the fact that for the first time in forever he felt content.

On the other hand, the woman sitting on the bed beside him and watching over his sleep, felt anything else but content. She watched a smile appear on his incredibly young and innocent features and it made her realize that all the hopes and plans she harbored in her heart, were falling apart in front of her. It tore her to pieces, although at the same time she knew what was important now. Tears ran down her face as she gently touched the sleeper's cheek.

Startled out of his slumber, the young hunter looked up into the tear filled eyes above him. Reading the distress in them, he couldn't help the instant sadness that started to fill his own heart. Reaching up, he wiped the moisture of the soft skin.

"Louisa, what's wrong?" He asked with a voice filled with emotions.

The young woman smiled sadly, as she reached for his hand, which still lingered on her cheek. This was going to be the toughest thing she'd ever done and yet, if it meant happiness for the man she loved, she was willing to do anything.

"Sam, you have to let me go!"

Confusion showed in the young man's eyes, this was not what he expected to hear.

"Why…?"

"Sam, you have to listen to me. You are the only man I've ever loved. I don't want to loose you, but…"

"Louisa, please, you have to listen to me." Suddenly Sam was afraid she figured out he wasn't her husband and that's what she was trying to tell him now. He couldn't let this happen. He knew he had to be the one to speak the words out loud before she uttered them, otherwise he would feel like he betrayed her. to get through to her.

"No," She interrupted,before he could say another word, putting her hand over his mouth. "I know what you are trying to say. I never thought you were Antonio."

Stunned the youngest Winchester looked at her, "But why…?"

"Sam, you brought me here and you see me as what you want to see me. Listen to your heart and look at me, I mean really look at me."

There was an urgency in her request that startled the young man and for a moment he closed his eyes, fear grabbing him and lying like rocks on his chest. Unable to breathe, he wheezed and his eyes shot open to see the woman before him for the first time for who she really was. Reaching out for her, his voice shook with disbelief.

"Jess….!?!"

TBC

_Deep breath! So, what you think? Please let me know, I will be sitting on hot coals in the mean time. Hugs, Vonnie_


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks to all of you for your awesome reviews. I'm glad you are sticking with me. So here is the next chapter, hope you like this one just as well._

Dizziness suddenly overwhelmed the young man as he starred at the woman in front of him. The long blond curls, the intensely blue eyes and the beautiful smile that made her whole face light up, there wasn't even a shadow of a doubt in his mind that this was Jessica. His Jess, the love of his life, the woman he planned to spent his life with, the…

He suddenly stopped, as the terrifying truth entered his mind.

"I…I…killed you…"

Sam said the words without emotions, like he was an empty vessel, which no longer had anything to give. His eyes were focused on the wall, too afraid they might meet hers and they might reveal nothing but hate and disappointment to him.

To his surprise she instead whispered, "How? How did you think you killed me? I burned."

He turned away, still unable to face her and his hand went up to cover his mouth as he tried to keep a sob from escaping him, "I had this dream. It came back again and again for several weeks. I saw what would happen."

The spirit stepped in front of him and her hand moved up to his face. Cupping it gently, she pulled him towards her and kissed him tenderly before she said, "You didn't know it was more than a dream.

Seeing the moisture and pain in his eyes, she recognized, he wasn't quite done with his guilt trip. Yet knowing him well enough she was also aware she needed to let him talk.

It didn't take more than a moment for the words to start coming over his lips, "I should have known though. It was my business to know those things. I could have saved you, but I didn't because I ignored the warnings." He met her eyes and no longer could hold back the tears that had been threatening him. Gasping he said, "Jess, I saw you die and I did nothing…"

Her hand stroked tenderly over his hair, sliding back down to his neck and pulling his head close to her. Still trying to regain his composure, Sam buried his face into her blouse, taking in the scent, which was so distinctly Jessica. How could she still be here after everything he just told her?

"Sam Winchester, if you really know as much about the supernatural as you claim to, how come you don't know, that your words are no surprise to me. I have known ever since I died." She pulled his face up again and looked at him, her eyes filled with love,

"No matter what you think, it wasn't your fault."

"But…"

"But what? Sam I know you, I know you feel responsible and I guess nothing will ever change that, but you have to understand, some things are out of your control. No matter, if you would have recognized your dream as a premonition or not, I still would have died."

There it was the reason, why he fell in love with her in the first place. She understood him, knew what made him tick, maybe not as well as Dean did, but pretty close. The young man looked at her and he recognized just how right she was with her assessment.

"Is that why you are here? Because you knew I couldn't forgive myself?" He asked with a shaky voice.

"No Sam, you still don't understand, do you?"

"What's to understand? You're here." For a moment his eyes lit up until another thought entered his tortured mind, "Or did you come because you hate me? I mean I could understand, if you did. What I did was horrible. I robbed you of your future, all the plans you had, I took them away from you."

"Sam," Her voice took a on a tone of determination, "I thought we just went over this. You didn't kill me. You have to let go of this guilt or it will destroy you."

There was incredible sadness in her features and her heart was ready to break for the man who meant so much to her. Oh how she longed to be with him again, to go back and relive the times they spent walking hand in hand or studying or going out with friends. But more than anything she missed his laugh, his tenderness, the looks from his expressive eyes that were reserved only for her, the way he put his arms around her and made her feel safe. She wanted all this back and yet, she knew that there was no way for her to ever regain this time. What was even worse though was watching the man she felt so deeply for, destroy himself with a guilt that he had no reason to feel and that's why she would do everything in her power to change it.

Stepping forward, she pulled him close, kissing him long and deeply until she felt his arms wrap around her also and he returned the kiss with a passion that left both of them breathless. Finally Jess moved back and put her hand on his mouth. Reluctantly he let her go, his eyes still glued to her with longing.

"I love you Jess." He whispered, his hands reaching out to touch her golden curls, happiness written in his orbs that had taken on a soft greenish brown, "I'm glad you came."

For a moment there was a silence between them that seemed to spell contentment, but it was only for the young hunter, as the spirit was fighting for the words she needed to say next. At last she sighed, then held on to the larger hand that was still playing with her hair.

"You brought me back Sam. I didn't come on my own."

"But…I…I thought, maybe Louisa, she…, I mean…" He stuttered, unable to form a clear thought.

"Louisa is gone. She disappeared when Dean and Bobby burned her bones." She explained, still holding on to his hand.

"No, that's not possible, I saw her."

"Sam, it wasn't Louisa, who you saw, it was me."

"But, how…?" Confusion was written not just in his face but over his whole body.

"You saw what you wanted, because your mind didn't allow you to see the truth."

"So this isn't real? You are not really here; it's just a figment of my imagination?" His shoulders slumped and he suddenly appeared so much younger and vulnerable.

"This is real, I am real, but we are not in your world. Sam, I can't come back to your world, I don't have a body left there and you can't come to mine, because you are not dead. This is a dimension in between. You brought me here and saw me as Louisa, but it was always me. I wanted to tell you, but there are rules I have to follow. So I tried to give you hints. I never called you Antonio and I used things we did together to help you would remember, because I knew you would loose yourself more and more the longer you stayed here." She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "Sam, I love you so much, but you can't stay. You will die, if you do. You have to let me go and return to your own world."

Listening to her words intently, Sam felt the peace he had been missing for so long return to his heart. There was no longer a doubt as to what he needed to do.

"No Jess, I love you and now that I have you back, there is nothing that can make me let you go again."

SN SN SN SN SN

Bobby had silently watched the two older Winchesters talking to Sam for the last four hours. They had been pleading, reminiscing, pleading, planning and pleading again. In all this they had told him over and over again how important he was to them. That there lives had no purpose without him. Still, the young man had shown not the slightest indication that he could hear them, nor had there been a change in his condition, at least none that either of the two men could observe.

The salvage yard owner on the other hand had noticed some supple changes in the unconscious young man. He knew he should have told his friends but had chosen not to, because the changes had certainly not been for the better. There was a slight decrease in his breathing, not very noticeable, unless you looked for it, only about one to two breaths per minute. His skin had taken on a paleness that was almost translucent and there was absolutely no resistance when his brother or father picked up one of his hands to hold it. It looked like he was a rag doll rather than a human being and even though neither of the other two had picked up on it, probably because their minds refused to, Bobby did and he knew what these changes meant.

Startled by John getting up, the grizzled hunter looked at his friend.

"I need a shower, gotta clear my head." The elder Winchester mumbled before disappearing into the bathroom.

"You really should take a break, too." Bobby suggested to Dean, who was still sitting, still holding on to his baby brother's hand and still talking.

"Thanks, but I don't think so" The younger man responded, "Sammy needs me."

"Would you mind, if I sit with him for a while? There are a few things I would like to say to him." The older man asked, "And I really would like to say this in private."

Reluctantly Dean got up and took a moment to look down at the quiet features of his sleeping sibling.

Finally he turned, "Alright, I guess I could use some fresh air and stretch my legs in the process."

He gave his friend an understanding nod, before walking out of the front door.

Sighing Bobby repositioned the chair and sat down, shaking his head as he observed the young man on the bed. He really didn't want to do this, yet he had to be sure his assessment was right before he caused unneeded distress to the other two men. Lifting the blankets enough so he could see Sam's feet, he touched them as he visually inspected their color. Covering them again, he moved his hand to the young man's neck and gently pushed his fingers against it, keeping them there for some time, while his eyes rested on his watch. At last he let go and carded his fingers through the dark curls before he let his hand come to rest on the ill boys shoulder.

"Damn it, Sammy, you can't just leave like this. Where in the world are you right now? I know things have been tough for you lately, but you can't tell me that bailing out like this is better." He blinked the moisture from his eyes then continued, "Kid, I've known you since you've been in diapers. Matter of fact, I changed quite a few of them and believe me, just for that I should get a medal. Darn, you've been such a little sprout, always active and always slipping through my fingers. You could hide in the smallest spaces and if it wouldn't have been for your brother, there would have been more than one occasion when we wouldn't have found you before something bad happened. Dean seemed to have a six sense, when it came to you and he always could find you, when no one else could." He smiled at the memory, before he became serious again, "Sammy, Dean needs you. I don't know, if it's too late or not, but you got to come back. Your brother isn't going to do well without you."

"We are loosing him, aren't we?"

The question came from the direction of the bathroom, where John was standing in the doorway, his hands braced against the frame. He was almost afraid to make eye contact with the other man, but when he finally did, he found the answer to his question written there. Taking a deep breath, he walked over and kneeled down beside the bed. Sliding his rough hand carefully through the dark hair, he allowed several tears to escape his eyes.

"I'm sorry Sammy."

"No!" This time the voice came from the other side and it was filled with anger.

Making his way past Bobby and to the bed, the older brother almost jumped onto it. Straddling Sam's body between his legs, he grabbed his shoulders and shook him, "You are not going anywhere, do you understand?" His face was still twisted with anger as he continued to shake the limp body several times, "You are not allowed to die!"

Still working through the surprise over Dean's sudden appearance and outbreak, both John and Bobby were ready to pull the younger man off Sam before he caused any harm to his brother, when after the last words, his tenseness suddenly disappeared and his shoulders slumped. Tears appeared in his eyes and started to stream down his face, as his voice changed to pleading, "Please Sammy, you need to come back. I can't do this without you."

He pulled his brother into his chest and buried his face into the thick dark curls, no longer even trying to hold back the sobs that were now shaking his body as his father and friend stood by helplessly watching.

TBC

_So what do you guys think? Sure looks like Sammy isn't gonna make it this time. He made his mind up to stay with Jess. This sure is gonna break Dean and John too. So let me know what you think. Hugs, Vonnie_


	10. Chapter 10

_Okay, here is the next chapter. Let's see, if Jess can convince the stubborn Winchester to go back. _

The young woman just stood there motionless, tears trickling from her eyes and down her cheeks, as she listened to the man in front of her confessing the depth of his love to her. It wasn't that she hadn't known all along, even before she died, yet it still felt wonderful to hear it coming from his lips now. Pulling him down onto the bed, she sat beside him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him tenderly. After a moment she slightly moved away, leaving her arms around him. Her expression became serious, as she locked eyes with him.

"Sam Winchester, ever since I first saw you, I knew you were different than the other guys. And believe me, it wasn't just because you blushed every time you talked to me and seemed to trip over your own feet a lot."

"Yeah, I guess a little bit timid." The young man couldn't help but laugh, when he thought about the awkwardness he exhibited in front of Jess.

"A little bit?" She smirked, "I think that doesn't quite describe it. I guess that's what made me notice you though; most the other guys were so full of themselves and just thought every girl had to lie at there feet. And then you showed up, tall, handsome, sweet and polite and to top it all, you were smart to and yet you didn't feel for one moment that you were superior. You treated me like a princess and that never changed, even after we moved in together."

"I just gave you what you deserved." Sam's large hands moved up and cupped her face, his thumbs running up and down her cheeks as he lovingly looked at her, "Jess, I will always love you. I wanted to spent the rest of my life with you, I was going to ask you to marry me, but I never got the chance." He stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath, "I thought I would never see you again. Now that I got you back, I just can't let you go, ever."

His eyes brightened with the last words and seemed to light up the whole room. He finally found peace and happiness and even though it was in a place, where he never would have looked for it, now he was determined to hold on to it.

Without warning Jessica pulled out of his hold and stood up. For several minutes she paced the room, appearing almost nervous, before she stopped in front of him. Her eyes were filled with moisture, yet her gaze and her voice were steady.

"It didn't take me very long to figure out that I was not just totally in love with you, but that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. You never gave me a single moment to doubt that you felt the same way for me." She stopped and her expression became even more somber, "I had time to think about it and out of the two of us, I got the better deal. My wish was fulfilled, even though it was short; I got to spend the rest of my life with you. You, on the other hand had to go on and find your way back into the life you've left behind."

"You died, how can you say you got your wish?" The young Winchester starred at her in amazement.

"Sam, if it's one thing I've learned since I died, it's that time doesn't mean anything. Years, months, days, what's really important is that you spend the time you have to the fullest and have no regrets. I know that I had a fulfillment with you that not many people ever experience."

"And we can have it again, right here and now!" Sam looked at her with eagerness and stood up, pulling her into his arms and kissing her again with all the passion he had to give.

"No…!" She pushed him away and took a step back, "No Sam, as much as I would like to be with you again, it's not your time yet. You have to go back, there is so much left to do for you."

"Do what?" His voice was shaking with anger now, "Get more people killed?"

"Sam, we've been over that…"

"No", He interrupted her, "It's not just about you; I killed my mother, too. Don't you see? Because she died, my father became driven by revenge and Dean lost his mother, his family and his childhood. I just can't do this any more. If I'm gone, than maybe they can have peace again."

As fast as the anger came, it went again and left the young man standing with his shoulders drooping and his head hanging. Suddenly feeling drained and tired, he took a few steps backwards and sat down on the bed without looking up.

Jessica observed him for a minute, her heart filled with sadness. At last she moved toward him and sank onto her knees. Putting her hand underneath his chin, she lifted it just enough to be able to make contact with his expressive hazel eyes.

"Being dead gives you a lot of inside into things. There are no more secrets. Suddenly you have the answers to all the things you ever wanted to know, but also to the things you never thought about or those you rather wouldn't have known they even existed. I would love to tell you everything you need to know to make you feel better, the only problem is, once again, the rules are in the way. But I can tell you this much, your mother dying was not your fault. All those things were beyond your control and there is nothing you could have done to change them."

"I just want to be with you."

The words were said so quietly, even at such a close proximity Jess could only make them out with difficulty, "I know you do, but there are people out there that love and need you."

"Dean…" It wasn't a question.

"Yes." She affirmed, "He and your dad too."

"My dad…" Sam's voice sounded bitter, "My dad told me if I would leave I could never come back. He is probably glad to get rid of me. All my live I've been nothing but a disappointment to him, never could get anything right. Why would he need me?"

The spirit looked at him with patience but also with irrefutable sorrow in her eyes. She always received nothing but love and support from her parents. She always knew Sam had been missing a lot of this comfort from his life, but to hear him saying it out loud and see the pain it caused him was almost more than she could bear. And yet, she understood now that John Winchester might have not been a model father, but that his love for both his sons ran deeper than either of them would know during his lifetime.

"You're wrong, your dad might have said all those things, but he never really wanted you to go. He hasn't been able to tell you, but he does love you."

Yeah well, he has a shitty way of showing it." The young man threw in sarcastically.

"You haven't been the model son either Sam." She responded.

For a moment there was a pregnant pause in the room, during which Sam tried to digest the last words coming from his girlfriend. At last he said, "Guess you're right, I just never could understand why we couldn't have a home base like other hunters, why we always had to go where the hunt was. All I wanted was a home, a normal life." He looked at her now with an expression of despair on his face, his eyes wet with tears, "I finally found all that with you and then it was taken away. I can't loose you again, not after I thought I lost you forever. I just can't!"

Jess sighed, what Sam just told her was exactly what any girl would want to hear, what she herself had always hoped for and here she was trying to convince him to go. It seemed not fair that after all she lost; she would have to loose him also, for the second time. It would be so easy to just let him stay; pretty soon it would be too late for him to return and wasn't that what he wanted after all?

So easy, so right and still, so wrong, just because he wanted to stay didn't make it right. He needed to go back, because there were people, who depended on him and although she didn't have all the knowledge, she understood that there was something bigger waiting for him and she didn't have the right to keep him here.

"What about Dean?"

"Dean…" A smile appeared on his face when thinking about his brother.

"Yes Dean, he needs you." This was it; this was what would convince him, she was sure of it.

The smile slowly disappeared from his face, like the flame in an oil lamp that was turned lower and lower until at last it was extinguished.

"No, he is much better off without me. He was always so torn up because he had to stand in between me and dad. With me gone, he finally can be the son he wants to be."

There was an anguish written in his face that she had never seen there before. She had always know, even though she never met the older brother until the day he picked Sam up to find their father, that he was the most important person in his life. For her boyfriend to tell her what he just did, left her without an argument. How in the world was she going to convince him to return in the short time he had left?

TBC

_Short, but I hope you liked it anyway. Next chapter will go back to John, Dean and Bobby. So what you do think? Still like it? Let me know, please. Hugs, Vonnie_


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks for all of your support. This chapter is short again but it was either that or nothing. I am working on finishing my contribution to the 'Summer of Sam Love" Fiction Exchange. So I hope you will enjoy this_

It took Dean a long time to settle down and let go of his brother. Well, he didn't really let go of him, he just gently laid him down on the bed and shifted his position, so that he now was kneeling on the floor beside him. His left hand was holding on to Sam's hand, while his right was lying on top of the younger man's chest, making sure he was still breathing.

John was watching both of is boys closely. The need to comfort is oldest was almost overwhelming, but the loss for words was even greater. He had no idea where the comfort should come from, because it surely wasn't from him. His heart felt empty and cold and in need for some reassurance of its own.

Like every other parent, the thought of loosing one of his sons had always terrified the Winchester patriarch. It seemed almost strange, as he put those boys in danger again and again, yet he also taught them how to fight and survive. And he knew how to deal with most supernatural entities. This though left him feeling powerless, exposed him to the possibility that his youngest might be beyond his help.

He remembered the many times when one of his boys had been sick or injured. Most of those occasions were minor illnesses that came with childhood or injuries that were easily fixed or just needed time to heal. There were the few occasions, when one of them had been more seriously ill or injured, like the time, when sixteen year old Dean had been thrown out of a second floor window by an angry spirit. A head injury and internal bleeding had left him at death edge for almost two weeks and it took more than three month for him to completely recover. Or the time when four year old Sammy contracted a especially powerful strain of the flu and was out of his head with fever for six days, weakening the little guy to the point that the doctors didn't give a penny for his life.

Still, none of those occasions had been like this. Letting his eyes glide over his baby son, he could see the signs of approaching death written all over him. The dusky skin, the bluish hue to his fingers and lips, the seven second breaks in his breathing, John was a lot, but he certainly wasn't a fool, he knew there was no going back this time. He was going to loose Sam and this time it wasn't going to be just to Stanford. The next thought that entered his head was so devastating, that he pushed it back before he could finish thinking it. 'If Sam died, then Dean…..'

He shook his head and looked over to his eldest, who hadn't moved his position at all, then up to Bobby. Somehow he hoped his oldest friends would be able to pull a rabbit out of his head. Throughout the years that's how it always had been, if no one knew the answer, if everything seemed lost, you could always count on the grizzled hunter, who had a last moment solution. Yet he knew before saying anything, it would be different this time. He could read it in the depths of his eyes, in the way the older hunter was trying to hide his own despondency.

"Damn, Bobby, there has to be something we can do."

Instead of giving him an answer the other man turned away, concealing the tears threatening to make their way down his face. He wasn't ready to loose another member of what he considered his family. After his wife died, Bobby Singer never even considered remarrying; hence, he never expected to have children of his own. Taking the Winchesters in had meant opening his heart, because even a hardnosed hunter like him couldn't resist two adorable and precocious boys like Dean and Sam.

By now he felt like they were his own flesh and blood and to stand at the deathbed of one of them left him with feelings that he couldn't even begin to describe.

He remembered little Sammy running laughing through his living room, split naked, followed by an angry John, who was trying to give his two year old a bath. He ended up running directly into his brother's arms, who picked him up and carried him upstairs again. The little tod had waved back, squealing with joy, "Deanie give me bave, Deanie give me bave!"

Or the time, when ten year old Dean was ill with some virus and Sammy decided to make him chicken noodle soup, from scratch of all things. He had watched Bobby do it the week before. Being a good boy though, he followed the orders not to touch knifes. When the soup was finished he proudly carried the whole pot up to his brother, after all, it was difficult to put a whole chicken into a small bowl. The task wasn't easy but eventually he managed to set the pot down on the bed.

Bobby remembered clearly what the pot contained, because he had been sittings with the older boy, thinking Sammy was taking a nap on the couch down stairs. A whole chicken, several large carrots, three sticks of celery and noodles, all sitting in water, uncooked, again the little guy had followed orders not to mess with the gas stove. Initially ready to scold the boy, Bobby had found it impossible, after all, what he did was done out of love and concern for the brother, who always took care of him.

There were so many incidents that went through his mind, most of them involving one brother taking care of the other. They were like yin and yang, Dean, the easy going kid, who always followed his dad's orders and Sam, the sensitive geek, who as soon as he got old enough questioned everything his father did. They needed one another, because they were part of each other. And now Sammy was dying.

"Oh God." Bobby mumbled, his gaze wandering over to the older brother, who remained glued to his siblings side.

Dean's head was laying on his baby brother's chest now, his ear listening to the lub-dub of the younger man's heart. As long as he could hear it, he knew Sammy was alive. He just couldn't imagine a live without Sam. Sure, he had some recollections of a time before the baby was born. Most of them were really precious to him, because they included his mom, yet even memories of her were more vivid after Sammy arrived. He remember her telling him to sit on the couch before she carefully kneeled down beside him and laid the little creature that was now part of the family into his arms. He still could feel the tiny fingers curl around his and see the alert eyes look up at him in awe. There was a little sound that came from the infant's mouth that almost sounded like a giggle and although he knew now, it was impossible for a baby so young to laugh, he was sure it had been some kind of sound to tell him the little guy loved him.

That was only one of the many times his mother had let him hold the new family member and every time she had been there with him. After she died, he became a four year old parent to the little guy and all the love he had given to the baby and his mother was now completely Sammy's. But there was also the part that made him receive his mom's love back through his brother as well, because she was right there with him. As they grew up, their interaction changed, yet their love for one another never did, even when Sam left for Stanford.

Dean took a deep breath, the memories almost overwhelming him. That's when he noticed it. There was nothing, just silence, the lub-dub of his brother's heart, it seized. Pressing his ear down harder, he strained, prayed, demanded for it to start up again, yet still…nothing.

This was the moment when something broke in the older brother. Getting off the floor, he moved up onto the bed and gently pulled the lax body into his arms. Tears streamed down his cheeks, but there was no sound coming from him as he buried his face in the thick soft chestnut mop. The tears were not an expression of sadness, but a symbol of life draining from his soul. Sammy was dead, there was nothing but emptiness left in him now.

Having watched the scene, it took no words for the two older hunters to understand what was happening. The sudden sensation of loss hanging in the room, hit them with a power that was overwhelming. Almost stumbling to the bed, Bobby joined John, who was already sitting, on the other side of the bed. Helpless and at a loss for words both embraced the younger men, hugging them tightly, hoping beyond hope the love they provided would make a difference in something that couldn't be changed.

TBC

_I know what this looks like and the only thing I can say is, please trust me, I don't do death fictions. Please let me know, what you think. Hugs, Vonnie_


	12. Chapter 12

_Sorry for the delay with this chapter, I know you were anxious to find out what's going on. Hope this will make up for it. Thanks for all the support. _

Sam looked at Jessica with uncertainty written all over his face. He wasn't sure he understood why she countered every single one of his arguments to stay with her. Well, everyone except the last one. Didn't she love him anymore? Was there something she wasn't telling him? Surely, all it would take to find out would be to ask, after all, it seemed like they always been able to talk about everything. He pushed the thought that he never had told her about the "family business" back into the outermost corners of his mind.

"Don't you want me to be with you?" The reluctance in his voice was audible even to someone who didn't know him.

The young woman took a step closer, her eyes never leaving his, "Maybe I should tell you I don't? Maybe it would make things easier for you?" She mused, noting downright dismay appearing in his hazel orbs, she hastily continued, "But it would break your heart and it also would be a lie."

Pausing for just a moment, she sighed, her shoulders drooping and her head bending as if a heavy load was weighing her down. At last she straightened out; once again her eyes meeting with his, making sure he would know she spoke the truth.

"I want to be with you more than anything in the world. Every minute without you seems like an eternity and yet…The only way you can be with me, is if you're dead and how could I want that for you?"

"You don't have to!" Sam reached out and gently took hold of her hand, pulling it up to his face and caressing it with his lips, "I've made my choice."

Jess smiled at him sadly, before withdrawing from him and averting her face. Her mind was working frantically to find a solution. It seemed like she exhausted all her options and yet…, there had to be a way. There were so many things the man she loved had to do, so many lives to save or change. If he could only be privy to the information she was.

Closing her eyes, she saw the faces of all the people that would not be saved, if Sam remained with her. She saw the sadness of the families, who lost fathers, mothers or siblings, but more than anything it was the loss of purpose in the lives of Dean and John, which brought tears to her eyes. True, Dean would survive, if Sam died, yet she wasn't sure if she would call what the older brother would do afterwards living.

She could spot the deep lines of loss and desolation in the face of the man Dean Winchester would become. His days would be filled with dangerous hunts, drunken stupor and joyless encounters with slutty women, who wouldn't give a damn about him. He and John would stay together until the family patriarch would die during a hunt three years from now. There would be no purpose to their hunting, their hunger for revenge, for helping others would be erased with Sam, leaving them with nothing. They would continue hunting only because they wouldn't know what else to do.

Almost afraid, yet feeling the need to, she moved further, searching out the family of hunters, who'd been with the Winchesters since the beginning. Again she could see some changes, some of which would appear to be for the better, as a few of the men would survive to an old age instead of dying young. Still, it became clear very fast that one of them would leave the church and hunting and become a homeless drunkard, disillusioned by the hopelessness he would face every day. The other would turn his back on hunting also, but he would join the forces of evil instead. Of the ones, who would have survived even with Sam alive, one would go on hunting until he would be too old, then spend the last few years alone and ill, while the other would continue to try being a father figure and give a home to the sad shadow of his former self, which Dean Winchester would have become.

As she turned back to face the handsome young man, who still was standing motionless behind her, she already had her mind made up. She might not be able to reveal any information to him, but she would find a way to talk around it without breaking the rules.

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The youngest Winchester stood quietly as Jess turned away from her. He watched her hair fall softly down her back, her golden curls shimmering in the light, only pure willpower enabling him to abstain from pulling her back into his arms. Yet knowing her the way he did, he was sure she needed time to make a decision. Her compassion for others, as well as her selfless love for him, was what made it difficult for her to allow him to stay but it was also the reason why he loved her so much.

So he continued to stand there, his eyes resting upon her, as a soft smile played around his lips. She was so beautiful, just like the day he first saw her. He would never forget that day, because he still wasn't sure what drew his eyes in her direction.

It had been a few month after his arrival at Stanford, his classes had started to demand more and more of his attention and he had been sitting in the library, his face buried in a text book. For some unknown reason he had felt the urge to look up, almost like something had made him. She'd been standing at the desk with the librarian, engrossed in a whispered conversation. Her back had been to him, but as if feeling his eyes on her, she had turned and their eyes had met, if only for a split second, because that's all it had taken for Sam to blush and move his eyes down to his book again. It also had been all it had taken for the observant young man to take in the gorgeous blue eyes, the laughter on her full lips, the golden hair curling over her shoulders and the loose fitting tee falling down over tight jeans.

Thinking back now, there was no question about it; he had been lost from that very first moment on. Yet it had been several more months before he actually had the guts to talk to her. Dean would never let him live this one down, if he ever would find out about it.

Sam smiled at the thought of his brother, yet at the same time a sudden, painful anguish came out of nowhere and clamped its iron grip around his heart. Although he was unable to pinpoint what caused it or where it came from, the young Winchester was certain without even the slightest shadow of a doubt, it had to do with Dean. Trying to shake it off as imagination, he tried to concentrate at the girl in front of him, when the same sensation ran through him for a second time, this time feeling as real as if he'd been stabbed by a knife. Suppressing a moan, he attempted to focus his thoughts, yet with little success. The only notion he was able hold on to was, "Dean…, oh God…, something is wrong with Dean!"

He almost lost his balance as his legs started to give out, but was able to catch himself at the last second. Swallowing repeatedly, he closed his eyes, hoping this would help to eliminate the pictures playing out in front of them, pictures of Dean screaming out in despair. Instead it intensified the vision, making his brother's screams sound even more real and accusing.

Desperate to escape, his lids opened and to his surprise he was now face to face with Jess. Staring at her for several moments, his mind still caught in the revelation, he felt her hands reach out to him, touching his arms and holding on to them.

"Sam," Her voice was filled with fear, as she took in his bloodless features, "Sam, are you alright?"

It took almost all he had, to finally be able to pull himself out of his trancelike state. Still incapable to explain what just happened, he stammered, "Yeah…, I mean no, I…, I really don't know what I mean."

"Its okay Sam, just take a deep breath and sit down. It's gonna be alright." She tried to sooth him.

"No…! No, you don't understand, its not alright, it won't be ever again."

His lips trembled and tears streamed down his face now, as he held on to the last bit of composure he could muster.

"I love you so much Jess and I can even begin to tell you how much I missed being with you."

He drew her close, wrapping his strong arms around her slender figure and hugging her, he moved his fingers through her hair, before bending her head back and kissing her with a desperation and passion that would have left her breathless, had she been alive. Finally releasing her, he sank down on the bed. No longer able to hold his emotions at bay, he broke down as his body was shaken by sobs.

Standing close beside him, the young woman drew his head against her chest. Laying her chin on top of it, she wrapped her arms around him, patiently waiting until his crying subsided and the shaking seized.

When he quieted at last, she gripped his face with both her hands and bent it back just enough to take in his tearstained cheeks and the hazel orbs still brimming with moisture.

"You have to go!" It was a statement, not a question.

"Dean, he…"

Sam started to explain, but Jessica cut him off. Putting her finger on his lips, she said,

"Don't…, I already know. Just go…!"

"I love you, Jessica Moore." His face was marked by the grief he felt, yet in his heart he knew she understood.

"I love you too, Sam Winchester."

Her smile was the last thing he saw before his consciousness faded into nothing.

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He drifted in a darkness so complete; it left him confused and unsure of his purpose. It seemed there was something important, yet it was just out of his reach. The peacefulness was tempting him to let go, to forget about rationale and he was almost ready to give in, when he felt it. It was only a slight touch, something so faint, it wasn't really there, yet it was still familiar. Curiosity taking over he continue to prod until the touch intensified enough, he could recognize it. It was the touch of well-known hands holding him. Savoring the sense of safety, he lazily opened his lids, being more than surprised by the view and sensation.

"Little privacy here…" He whispered, unsure of what was going on but clearly uncomfortable with the closeness of his brother's lips to his.

The next thing that happened startled the two older hunters still kneeling beside the bed. Two men, who had seen so many unusual and supernatural things in their lives, they'd thought they'd seen it all, yet this made both of them jump. Dean, who was still holding on to his dead brother, his face buried into the younger man's, his tears still quietly flowing, let out a scream and dropped the body, the head bouncing off the wooden head board of the bed.

There was a pained, "owe", which either man thought had come from the seemingly freaked out older brother.

For a moment John thought his eldest had finally lost his mind over the grief for his sibling as Dean stared at the bed in utter disbelieve. His hands were shaking as he finally reached out and it took him several times before he was able to make contact with Sam's face. When it finally happened though, his face lit up and he took a deep breath of relief.

"Sammy…"

Ripping his younger sibling off the sheets once again, he embraced him, hugging him tightly, until a cough alerted the two older men to what actually was happening. The reaction was almost instantaneously, as John sank to his knees. For the first time in over twenty-two years his lips mumbled a prayer of thanks to a God he hadn't spoken to since Mary died.

TBC

_So what do you think? Am I redeemed? Did it work for you guys? Let me know, please! One more chapter to come – the epilogue. Hugs, Vonnie_


	13. Chapter 13

_So here is the Epilogue__. Special thanks to Hot Show for coming up with this Bunny and requesting for me to write it. I hope you are okay with how it turned out. Also thanks for all your loyalty throughout this story. _

Dean Winchester couldn't understand what was happening. All he knew was that his brother, his dead brother, was no longer dead. At first he really didn't want to believe it, thought his mind was playing a cruel trick on him, that he just imagined Sam talking. Even when he heard the "owe" coming from his mouth he still thought it was too good to be true. But when he grabbed and hugged him, he not just heard the cough, he also felt the struggle for breath…Struggle for breath? Dean jerked up releasing the hold he had on his sibling ever so slightly, giving the younger man more room to breathe.

"Sorry kiddo!" He whispered, as he put his hand behind Sam's neck and gently let his body fall back until it was almost flat on the bed, cradling his head in his arm, unwilling to completely relinquish the close contact.

Able to breathe easier now, the younger Winchester looked up at the concerned face above him, his vision slightly blurry, but getting clearer by the second. Confusion lined his features, as he took in the smile on Dean's face.

"You 'kay?"

Now it was Dean's turn to be confused, "You're kiddin' right?" His voice was filled with disbelief, "Because if you're not, then you must have lost your mind. You are the one, who died and now you're asking me if I'm alright."

"I'm…dead?" Sam's hazel eyes widened with astonishment

"No silly," Dean laughed, "You're very much alive, at least as far as I can tell."

"But you just said I died? How can I be …?"

"…alive? I can't answer that, I was actually hoping you could clear that up for me little brother."

"Okay Dean, why don't you give Sam a break. I don't think he is up to answer your questions just now." It was Bobby's voice, who decided to intervene.

He leant over the bed until he was within the youngest Winchester's field of vision. Stroking some loose strands of hair out of his face, he smiled down on the young man, who he thought lost until just a few moments ago.

"Bobby? What happened?" Sam's voice was quivering with exhaustion, his lids already on half mast as he fought against the pull of sleep.

"You've been sick, that's all you need to know right now." The older hunter assured him, "Now get some rest and don't worry about anything."

For a moment it looked like Sam was going to follow his advice, as his eyes closed and his body seemed to relax, yet it lasted only for a second before his eyes popped open again.

"Dean…he is in pain. Please, I have to help him." His breathing increased until he almost hyperventilated.

The older brother exchanged a worried glance with his friend, before he lifted his arm, which still supported his sibling; just enough so he was face to face with him.

"Sammy calm down, I'm right here. Remember, I'm the one, who is okay." He smiled, this time no questions or teasing, just honest concern and comfort in his words.

"You are!" The statement was said, as if this really was the first time he saw his brother since he woke.

"Yes, now rest, we can talk about this later, after you get some decent sleep."

"But I…"

"It's alright; just go to sleep, Sammy!" Dean smiled again, when he saw the younger man's lids finally closed and his breathing evened out in sleep.

Taking in air, the young hunter looked at Bobby, his expression becoming worried again, "This was so weird, in the beginning he seemed okay and then suddenly he was totally out of it. You think he is going to be alright?"

John, who purposefully stayed quiet as to not add to his youngest' confusion, looked at his firstborn with determination, "Don't even go there. Sam is going to be just fine now."

"How'd you know?" Dean asked, his voice sounding almost angry, "You didn't even talk to him."

"He was confused, I didn't want to add to it, after all, he had no idea I came." The Winchester patriarch defended himself.

"Yeah that's because you were never here in the past when he needed you." The young hunter spit out, now really angry.

"I had a job to do!"

"Oh yeah, abandon your son?"

"Stop it!" The quiet, yet steady voice of Bobby interrupted there quarrel, "Look at each other. You almost lost Sam; you are stressed out and overtired. For goodness sake, get some sleep before you totally loose it."

For a moment father and son stood there quietly, then John said, "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it."

"Well, you are at least in part right; I wasn't always there when you guys needed me."

"It's okay; I know we have to find whatever killed mom." Dean carefully removed his arm from underneath his brother and stood up. Hugging his father, he turned back to the bed and carefully settled down beside his Sam. There was no way he was going to get any sleep right now, but at least he could lie down for a while, making sure Sammy would be okay. Putting his arm on his kid brother's chest, his body relaxed and he was asleep before he was aware of it.

John couldn't believe it, because suddenly he felt like deja vue. He remembered living the same scene before, only at that time Dean had only been eight. After Sammy got sick out of his head with fever, the older brother had spent all night at his bed, helping John cool his little brother down, refusing to go to bed. When morning had come and the little guys fever had broke, he still had refused to go to bed, finally agreeing to at least lie down. He had climbed in bed with his brother and put his arm on him, asleep before he had settled all the way into the pillow.

Taking the comforter from the other bed, he spread it over his sons. Enjoying the peacefulness of the moment, he stood there, making a mental picture of his two serenely sleeping boys. This was why he fought and would continue to fight, no matter what the cost, even if it was his life. With this thought he lay down on the other bed and closed his eyes. He had no doubt, today he would sleep without worry, even if it was only for a few hours.

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The next time Sam woke, it was to almost complete silence. The shadows from the lights outside left the room in a twilight that made it difficult to see anything. There were several noises surrounding him, which after listening for a while, he finally identified as the soft snoring of his brother and the raspier on he was used to from Bobby. But there was another breathing pattern in the room, which sounded familiar, but was unidentifiable to him at the moment.

Trying to turn to towards the noise, he found himself trapped by something lying on his chest. For a moment panic started to creep up in him and his respirations picked up. Only when he reached for whatever it was, did he become aware that it was a hand attached to a sleeved arm. Rotating his head, he found his brother sleeping peacefully beside him.

A smile appeared on his face, as he took in the relaxed features of his sibling. No longer worried about the other person in the room, if Dean could sleep like this, then there was no danger, he gave in to his needs and let himself slip back into sleep again. Just before going under all the way, he felt the weight on his chest shift. Unconsciously he moved with it, turning into his brother's comforting embrace.

This was how Bobby and John found both of them several hours later, when their internal clocks went off almost exactly at the same time. Smiling at the gigantic younger man curled up so his head rested underneath his older siblings chin, Dean's arm still wrapped around him, they exchanged some relieved looks. They had their boys back, no question about it.

As if sensing the eyes watching him, Dean startled from his sleep. Sitting up, he brought Sam up with it and only his quick response prevented the younger man from falling backwards and out of the bed.

"Damn it guys, you scared the crap out of me." He looked at Sam, who by now was down on the pillow again, "You alright?"

"Yeah, what happened," a still blurry-eyed Sam answered him.

"The two old guys here decided to wake me by staring at me."

"Watch who you're calling old here!" John responded, "I'm not too old yet to kick your butt."

"Yeah boy, show some respect for your elders" Bobby agreed.

Sitting up, Dean smirked, "Go ahead try it."

"Oh you think I'm scared of you?" John laughed.

"That's exactly what I think."

"Alright, bring it on!" John made a motion for him to get up and attack him.

"Dad…."

For a moment everyone had forgotten about their youngest, who now was standing on wobbly legs beside the bed, staring at his father in disbelief. John opened his mouth but closed it again, when he saw Sam's eyes roll back in his head. Taking a few rushed steps forward, he grabbed his son just in time to prevent him from face planting on the floor. Holding his son around his waist, the kid's head lolling loosely on his neck, he pulled him up and close to him until Sam's cheek rested on his shoulder, then put his hand underneath his knees and lifted him up.

For several seconds he hesitated, as his youngest snuggled against him, reminding him of better times, but at last he laid him down on the bed. Dean put the covers over him, anxiety radiating off him with every move. Almost tenderly John stroked his hand over his youngest mob, before he turned to his firstborn with a reassuring smile, "It's alright Dean, he just got up so fast, matter of fact he shouldn't have gotten up at all after almost dying. His blood pressure just dropped, that's why he passed out. He should come around shortly."

As if Sam heard him, his lids started to fluttered and finally opened, revealing confused hazels. There was just no way, what he was seeing could be true. He had to be hallucinating, because he was seeing his dad and that was impossible.

John noticed his son's eyes staring up at him and he returned the look with a smirk on his face.

"It's really me Sammy." He said, picking the younger man's hand up and lifting it to his face, "See, I'm real."

"You…are…real!" Sam stated, his eyes wide.

"Yeah, I had to come, kiddo, I was scared I would loose you."

For a moment the lastborn Winchester searched his father's eyes for any falsehood, yet all he could find was honest love.

"Dad…" A single tear made its way down his cheek, as for the first time in years Sam felt close to his father.

Dean and Bobby watched quietly, their faces almost exploding from the smiles that were appearing on them. This was something they've waited for way too long.

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John Winchester looked up from the lab top when he heard the voices of his sons coming from the bed. A smile appeared on his lips upon seeing Dean trying to stuff a fork full of pancake into his protesting brother's mouth, dripping syrup all over Sam's face and clothes in the process.

"I would let you eat by yourself, if what you're doing could be called eating." The older sibling scolded.

"Hey, I'm eating as much as I can." Sam complaint

"Yeah, but only if you're a baby bird."

"You know Dean," The oldest Winchester interrupted, "baby birds eat many times their body weight every day."

"Sure, now you're turning into geek boy too and together you gang up on me." Now the older brother was the one complaining, although the smirk on his face gave his true feelings away.

"Seriously though, you really need to eat Sam." John walked over to the bed and sat down, "You've been pretty sick and I know you need time, but at least try. No one expects you to stuff your face like Dean here does."

"Hey, I'm a growing boy."

"Sure, just keep telling yourself that, some girls like to hold on to love handles, so they don't fall over." Sam teased.

Dean gave his brother a seemingly upset gaze, yet on the inside he rejoiced, the old Sam was starting to reappear. He gave his father and Bobby, who was still sitting at the table, quietly observing a relieved look.

John ruffled his youngest thick mop, "It's good to have you back."

"Yeah, you really gave us a good scare." Dean's smile had been replaced with a more serious expression, "We just didn't know how to bring you back. Louisa really didn't leave us anything to work with."

"About this…" Sam bit his lip, suddenly finding one of the syrup stains on his t-shirt very interesting, "…Louisa, she…, I mean…, ahem, it wasn't…"He abruptly became quiet, unable to bring himself to say what he needed to.

Hoping their youngest would find the words to tell them what happened; neither of the three other men said anything, allowing the silence in the room to gather like ants in a honey bowl.

In the end it was Dean, who broke the quiet, "Okay kiddo, I know this wasn't a walk in the park for you either. So whatever happened, you really need to talk about it."

Lifting his head for just a moment, the younger man fixed his eyes on his brother so that Dean could see the tears standing in them. Averting his gaze again, the older sibling was afraid Sam would close down totally, when the words started to bubble out of him without prior warning.

"It wasn't Louisa, it was Jess. I just couldn't see it in the beginning, because I didn't want to. I…I wanted to stay with her and she tried everything to convince me not to, but I just needed to be with her and I…I just didn't want to come back, because I thought you were better off without me and I always hurt you and make things worse…" Exhausted he sacked back and buried his head into the pillow.

The three men exchanged glances, unsure of what to say. This was a lot to swallow in such a short time. Sam had been able to talk people's ears off ever since he started to talk but this was a record even for him.

After a moment Dean opened his mouth but received a look from his father telling him to let the older man handle this. John leaned over and gently moved the pillow away from Sam's face. Taking his thumb, he wiped a few tears away from his face.

"Sammy, listen to me. You've been through a lot lately. I know, because I've been there. It hurts like crazy to loose the woman you love. I don't know how many times I was ready to put a bullet into my brain, just because it felt like I couldn't do this without her anymore."

The younger man's hazel orbs suddenly opened, staring at his father in disbelief, "Why didn't you?"

"I wish I could say it was because of you two, but it wasn't, at least not totally. It was because of your mother. I knew she wouldn't want me to give up. There were many occasions, when I had conversations with her. Okay, I know that sounds odd, but sometimes I just starred at her picture and talked to her and it was like I could hear her voice in my head, telling me that you boys needed me and that there was so much for me to do." He paused for a moment then continued, "So instead of putting a bullet in my head, I hunted. Probably not the best solution either."

Throughout John's speech Sam stared at the older man, hanging on his every word. Now he swallowed hard, before he finally started to speak, "That's exactly what Jess told me too. I just didn't want to listen, I'm sorry for hurting you."

"You came back, that's all that matters, kiddo." John assured him, "I'm sorry you felt like we were better off without you, I guess I'm not totally guiltless in you feeling that way. You need to understand, no matter what happened between us, I never really wanted you to leave." Tears were making their way into the Winchester patriarch's eyes and he took a moment to regroup before continuing, "I know I hurt you, there is no excuse for that, but I hope you can forgive me."

Sam looked at his father, moisture welling up in his suddenly almost mossy green eyes. He bit down on his lip, trying to hide the emotions, which threatened to break through.

Finally he said, "I already have dad. I'm sorry to, especially for all the arguing and for not listening, when I should have." He paused for a moment, thinking about how to state the next words so they wouldn't be misunderstood, "I know I shouldn't have left the way I did, but there is no way I'll ever be sorry for going to Stanford."

His eyes crossed with John's for just a split second, before he dropped his head, expecting the worse. Even more did it come as a surprise, when he felt his dad's calloused fingers underneath his chin, lifting it up until he once again gained eye contact with him.

"Sam, I never should have made you choose. You are smart; you needed to go to college and I also think you need to go back." Seeing the doubt written on his son's face, he smiled, "Honestly, I've forgotten a long time ago how it feels to have a real home, don't even have the desire for one anymore, maybe because your mother is what made our house a home. But I keep forgetting that you never even knew your mom and never had a home."

"No dad, I really understand something now that I never did before. It doesn't really matter where you are, it matters who you're with. What made Stanford a home was Jess. With her gone, it won't be the same. Maybe I will go back…one day, but right now I belong right here, with Dean", he paused, before continuing, "…and you, whenever you can be around."

Before John could respond, Dean reached over and slapped his brother on the shoulder, "Dude, better quit before you turn dad into emo girl."

He moved back, expecting his brother to retaliate and ran right into John's waiting fist, punching his arm lightly.

"Hey, what's that for?" he objected.

The Winchester patriarch grinned "Didn't think Sam was up to defending himself quite yet."

"Yeah, maybe you're right, I guess I'll give him a break,…for now." The older brother waggled his eyes brows knowingly at his brother.

"Hey, I think we should give Sam a chance to clean up. He might want to take a bath, now that he is feeling a little better." Without warning Bobby's voice rang into the conversation.

The older hunter, who had enjoyed listening to the exchange between Sam and John and now to the friendly banter between Dean and his father, felt it was time to move on.

"You think he's up to it?" John gave the his a questioning look.

"He better," Dean turned his head toward his brother and sniffed the air, "Because he sure needs one." He grinned.

"It might make him feel better, but I'll stay with him, don't wanna take a risk." John was still reluctant, after all, he'd never come that close to loosing his son.

"Na, dad, I'll do it, has been my job forever to give the squirt a bath."

"Hey…" the voice of protest came from the bed, "Anyone going to ask me, what I want? You guys act like I'm not even here."

There was a quick exchange between all three men, before they faced the youngest of their group. It was John, who finally spoke for all of them, "We know you're here, and believe us, we are glad for it."

"Yeah, me too!" Sam's answer was honest and without hesitation.

"Alright then, why don't you let Dean help you with that bath? Bobby and I have some things to talk about."

The two older men went back to take a seat at the table while Dean carefully helped his brother sit up.

"Dean," Sam held on to his brother's arm, waiting until the other man's green orbs locked with his hazels, "Thanks for being here, for not giving up, for waiting for me."

"Hey, I'll always be there, no matter how long it takes." Shaking off the dreaded chick flick moment, he continued, "Now little brother, let's get you into the bath tub, so we can wash the stink off you."

A smirk on his face, he helped Sam up, steadying his brother with every step he took. The younger Winchester leaned heavily on him, still weak from his close encounter with death. He thought of Jess and a smile appeared on his face, he missed her, yet he finally found peace in knowing she didn't blame him and one day they would be back together. In the meantime he knew he had made the right decision, his place was here, with Dean. No matter how much he loved Jessica, Dean would always be the most important person in his life. He was the ying to his yang, the white to his black, the heaven to his hell. Only together they were complete.

FIN

_Okay, this is it, I hope you are not disappointed, especially not with the ending. I know this story was quite emo and that certainly isn't everyone's business but I just needed to express some emotions here. Please let me know what you think, I really would appreciate it, especially also from those of you, who never dropped me a note. I will be back with new stories. I am researching one that was another request from Hot Show. I already have something in mind for the story line, just have to put it together. I'm also righting my part of the Round Robin for the 'Writers Guild' right now and waiting for my turn in the Round Robin at 'CWESS'. Besides that I'm working on a One Shot for the 'Winchester Single Shots'. So you see, I'm busy. Hope to see you soon. Hugs, Vonnie_


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